Dear Black Folks, Mike Huckabee Would Like To Be Your White Knight

Boy, do we owe Mike Huckabee an apology. While we have, in the past, subtly suggested that Mike Huckabee is a racist piece of fuck, it seems we were wrong. HuckabeelooooooooooovesAfrican-Americans and knows the troubles they've seen, and he is ready to stand up and fight for their right to not have their real struggles compared to the fake gay kind:  

"Because if you equate same-sex marriage to a civil right—,” Huckabee said on a local radio station in Baton Rouge, interrupting himself to make his case against the comparison.

“First of all,” Huckabee said, “what an insult to African-Americans, who were hosed in the street, who were beaten, who were truly discriminated against with separate restrooms, separate drinking fountains, separate entrances. That was true discrimination and it was horrible. It’s hard to say that the redefinition of marriage is on the same basis as was racial discrimination throughout our history.”

Certainly no Homo-Americans could ever claim to have suffered discrimination. Not the ones kicked out of the military, not the ones fired from their jobs, not the ones beaten to death. Not the ones who were (reluctantly) offered "separate but equal" accommodations, like, say, civil unions, so they wouldn't get their gay cooties all over Traditional P-in-V Marriage.

We can only imagine the relief African-Americans must feel right now, knowing Huckabee has taken up their cause and willnotallow anyone to insult them or diminish their pain.

 Like this jerk, who was disgusted by "Hands Up, Don't Shoot" activists and athletes and politicians of a particular hue, and their blatant support of a "thug" who had it coming:

I find it just incredibly dangerous that you have members of Congress on the floor of Congress holding up their hands in the “hands up, don’t shoot” position, as if to say that somehow that is going to get you shot.

Huckabee would like a word with you, mister, and your disregard for the long history of police violence against the black community, and how black men, and women, and even children are gunned down by police, like, every day.

And this other schmuck, who was appalled by President Barack "High Horse" Obama, not knowing a goddamned thing about the real history of slavery or Jim Crow laws, and insulting the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King, who, in case you didn't know, "resisted racism." Bet Huckabee would like to give that guy a piece of his mind.

And oooooh, we can't wait until Huckabee learns about the asshole who wrote that the Obamas are bad parents for letting their daughters listen to Beyonce's slutty stripper whore music, instead of, say, the wholesome family-friendly musical entertainment of Huckabee's bestie Ted Nugent singing about kitty cats. 

And the Huckster should definitely save some of his breath to yell at the idiot who said this:  

I keep hearing people saying we need more conversations about race. Actually we don’t need more conversations. What we need is conversions because the reconciliation that changes people is not a racial reconciliation, it’s a spiritual reconciliation when people are reconciled to God.

When I love God and I know that God created other people regardless of their color as much as he made me, I don’t have a problem with racism. It’s solved!

And wow is Huckabee going to chew up this guy faster than he gobbles deep-fried squirrel meat when he hears about the guy running for president who, after a white supremacist murdered nine African-Americans in their church to start a race war, refused to condemn the Confederate flag or call for South Carolina to remove it from the capitol state grounds, because "one racist lunatic" in no way represents those who proudly wave the Confederate flag, and no one really associates the flag with racism, since that's over now anyway.

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Oh, wait a minute. That was all Mike Huckabee, being sick of "disgusting" conversations about racism, and not giving a good goddamn about black people AT ALL, ever, until he decided to be insulted on their behalf in order to insult another group of Americans he despises even more?

Hmmm. On second thought, sorry NOT SORRY, Huck, you racist piece of fuck.

[ BuzzFeed ]