Dear Leader Watch: Who Outdid Who In Sucking Up To Trump Lately?

It's all so pathetic.

Well, no one ever accused any wingnuts of having an ounce of dignity.

We have watched for years as Donald Trump’s sycophants have fallen all over themselves to praise Dear Leader like eager puppies begging for treats. Watching his Cabinet secretaries in his first term open meetings by slobbering all over his baby-carrot knob in front of television cameras remains one of the more grotesque sights of the millennium. And his enablers in Congress and in right wing media spend so much time on Fox News or OANN lauding his genius that we now have a Dramamine IV permanently hooked into our veins.

Yet still — still! — we regularly roll across odes and encomiums to the God-King's greatness that bring us up short. Are we living inside a TV set in North Korea? We don’t think so! Although it might explain why our house smells like kimchi all the time. It’s that or a rage-stroke.

So here we present Dear Leader Watch, a recurring feature we could probably write every single day but will probably only do when stuck in the clutches of either overwhelming self-hatred or a Dramamine high.

First up: We knew someone was going to suggest making Trump’s birthday a federal holiday at some point. We didn’t think it would be only a month into his second term, but hell, there are a lot of things we didn’t think would happen this fast:

Trump’s birthday, June 14, is already recognized as Flag Day, so that date would henceforth be the Trump’s Birthday and Flag Day holiday. Truth be told, we’re shocked Tenney didn’t suggest moving Flag Day to a different date. Or maybe suggest we celebrate Trump’s birthday on Christmas. Is there anyone besides Jesus who is worthy of sharing Donald Trump’s birthday with him? And even Jesus would think it was a toss-up.

In a statement, Tenney said that “no modern president has been more pivotal for our country than Donald J. Trump.” Which might wind up being true, but certainly not for the reasons Tenney thinks.

And that might not be the dumbest bill anyone has introduced in the House in the last few weeks with the express purpose of enshrining Trump in the pantheon of our greatest presidents. In January, Rep. Andy Ogles introduced a bill to rewrite the 22^nd Amendment to allow Trump to run for a third term in office. But only Trump. The proposed change would only allow a third term if someone served the first two non-consecutively. Presumably, this is so Barack Obama doesn’t get any funny ideas about 2028.

Could this bill have had anything to do with Andy Ogles being under federal investigation for campaign finance violations, which Trump could make go away with one tweet aimed at his attorney general? Heaven forfend we imply there might be some corruption in the Trump administration.

Not to be outshone in the race for biggest suck-up amongst House Republicans, Anna Paulina Luna of Florida introduced a bill to carve Trump’s face into Mt. Rushmore:

“President Trump’s bold leadership and steadfast dedication to America’s greatness have cemented his place in history. Mount Rushmore, a timeless symbol of our nation’s freedom and strength, deserves to reflect his towering legacy—a legacy further solidified by the powerful start to his second term,” said Congresswoman Luna. “He will be forever remembered among the great like Presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt.”

Trump had been in office for all of eight days when Luna introduced this bill, which makes mentioning the “powerful start to his second term” even more blatantly sycophantic. Which is a Luna specialty.

Anyway, leave Mt. Rushmore alone. We white people have defaced the mountain enough without adding Outer Borough Pol Pot to it.

Other incidents have been a bit more subtle. So subtle, in fact, that we are almost loath to point out this recruitment ad for the Army that premiered over the weekend. Watch to the end and see if you can guess what jumped out at us:

So okay, all the soldiers in this ad are wearing numbers on their breastplates for some reason. And the Army has strict rules about appearing partisan.

But the soldiers wearing “47” when Donald Trump just became the 47^th president and wingnuts have been slapping the number “47” on hats and bumper stickers and tattooing it on their foreheads really seemed to get very noticeable placement, did they not?

It is a measure of how much sycophancy is flowing to Trump now that this few seconds in a one-minute ad caught our eye. And sure, it could be a coincidence. Or ... ha ha ha, who are we kidding, it was totally on purpose.

But for pure, uncut, he’s-not-breathing-call-911 suck-up-age, we’re not sure anything could possibly beat Interior Secretary Doug Burgum’s run on Fox News on Monday:

Holy hell. That was about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the balls. The amount of dignity people will surrender just for the opportunity to gut the National Park Service is really remarkable.

There’s probably a whole bunch of other Dear Leader crap that we missed that we’ll put in a new edition in a few days, except by that point there will be approximately 27,549 new atrocities to choose from. Like, for instance, we didn’t even mention Rep. Buddy Carter’s bill to let Trump seize Greenland and change its name to — wait for it — Red, White and Blueland.

Everything is going great.

[Twitter / Rep. Luna’s website / YouTube]

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