Dear Republican Men: I Am So, SO Happy To Pay For Insurance That Covers Your Prostate Exams

Dear Republican Men,

Over the past few weeks, many of you have come forward to announce your deep displeasure with the idea of paying for insurance that covers birth control, mammograms, maternity care, pre-natal care, etc. etc.

The big idea now these days, for many on the Right, is insurance where you only pay for the insurance you personally need, for yourself. Only for the things you personally benefit from.

Now, I could easily go on offense and go "What? I don't have a prostate! Should I be paying for insurance that covers YOUR prostate exam or YOUR prostate cancer? How do I benefit from that?"

I could do that, but I won't, because I do benefit from insurance that covers prostate exams. I really, really do.

My father had prostate cancer. He does not have prostate cancer anymore, and I have my father. That, to me, is one hell of a benefit. My Dad is great! I love him a lot! Having him alive improves my life more than almost any healthcare of my own that I could get. Having him not be sick also means that I don't have to worry or be scared. Even outside of an emotional context, this is even a tangible health benefit for me, because severe anxiety can lead to health problems like heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes.

I also know that a lot of women out there love their dads a whole lot, and a lot of women love their husbands and brothers and friends and boyfriends. And there is no monetary benefit, no potential insurance discount that is worth their loss.

I am happy -- SO HAPPY -- to pay for health insurance that covers your prostate exams, or anything else that keeps you healthy. Because as much of an ass as you might be, I'm sure there's someone out there who loves you just as much as I love my Dad. And just because I don't like you much doesn't mean that I want you to get cancer. So please! Go and get your shit checked out. We're happy to go Dutch.

It sure would be swell if you guys felt the same way about us.

Other people contribute to our quality of life in a way that money isn't ever going to, which is just one of the many reasons why I believe in a single-payer system. You don't just benefit from keeping yourself healthy, you benefit from other people being healthy as well. Because you get to have them in your life.

And even if you're a total selfish bastard who hates everyone and can't wait to watch them all die of treatable illnesses, you still benefit from people being cured of communicable diseases before you can catch them. Like it or not, you don't live in a vacuum -- and because you share in the benefit, you should also share in the cost. Otherwise, you're just asking for a handout, and we all know how much you hate that!

Other people being healthy doesn't only make us happy, it keeps us healthy ourselves. It's an investment in our own lives as much as theirs. If you can't see that now, the day will come when you will -- and I hope, for your sake as much as mine, that you don't get your way with this one.