Deleted Comments Of The Week: 'The Cookie Jar Is Human Organ Trafficking'

I really don't think cookie jars are designed for that

It was a rather dry week for deleted comments -- yes, there was plenty of raving, but only a few of our visiting wingnuts said anything worth quoting. Step up your game, crazies -- make it memorable, will you? And gun-humpers, please stop gloating that Umpqua Community College was a "gun-free zone" -- it wasn't, and we're tired of correcting you.

Our lead deletia is from "ATEACHER," who wrote his/her profession in all caps, as most TEACHERS do. Our article on yet another state investigation of Planned Parenthood finding that the organization was in complete compliance with the law prompted ATEACHER to give us a very stern wag of the finger:

Clearly, I'm on a liberal site, and I know humorless outrage is a liberal prerogative, but really? You can joke about this? PP got caught with its hand in the cookie jar, only the cookie jar is human organ trafficking. It's amazing how mushy you guys can get when it comes to the death penalty or a lion in Africa and how hardened you can be when it comes to, oh, I don't know...an innocent infant. OF COURSE you can find random PP's not indulging in selling body parts for profit. No one is saying every single one did. But isn't one too many?

That's some weird cookie jar, is all we're saying. Also, we'd like to think that our outrage is humorous, hence all the joking ATEACHER noticed. Also, if you really want to get technical and all, one of the reason that you can find "random Planned Parenthoods" not selling baby parts on eBayBee is that it simply isn't happening, not even at a single PP office, no matter how loudly the anti-choice folks insist that it has to be -- as rightwing A.G.'s keep finding. So yes, we'll probably keep joking.

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We also received this interesting rant from "Frank Kozel," who felt compelled to reply this week to a March piece on Dr. Ben Carson's diagnosing Barack Obama as a psychopath. We're not sure what compelled Frank to comment on a piece from two months before Carson even declared his candidacy; maybe he found it in a link from another story. In any case, Kozel thinks there's something fishy about Carson. He wants some ANSWERS, and he wants them in ALL CAPS!

I cannot found out on the internet about HOW MANY BRAIN SURGERIES has CARSON DONE. How many surgions were involved in the one so called famous twin seperations at the head( surely not a surgery that one doctor can do alone) so why does Crason get all the BS credit. At what age did he start surgery and how many has he done and what were the survival rates. No facts on the internet just BS hype about how great a person he is. I also saw a racist speech he made during the Ferguson fisasco. WE do not need another black just because he is black--look at the result of the current idiot POTUS. aLL THE HYPE ABOUT HIS FRAUD BIRTH CERTIFICATE YET IS TRUE. wHY CANNOT THE GOVERNMENT PRODUCE 100 birth certificates from the same month of ODUMBO's birth and prove without a doubt they do not look like his Fake computer overlay certificate and the FACT there are no medical records showing he was born at any hospital in The left wing state of

So much to sort out here. First, we share Mr. Kozel's frustration at having a hard time founding out things on the internet. When we can't found out things we are looking for, however, we don't usually jump to conclusions that someone is a fraud. If only there were some way you could find information on Ben Carson's surgical career! Then you might learn that, in the conjoined-twins separation, Carson was the lead surgeon of a team that included over 100 supporting surgeons, other doctors, and assistants. But that's probably just more BS hype.

Ah, but then we get to the chewy racist nougat at the center of Kozel's missive -- we already have too many shiftless lying black presidents already! We rather charmed that Kozel was too spluttery to even finish his final sentence. It's like a wingnut version of John Belushi's old "Weekend Update" editorials where he'd start raging and eventually just fall off his chair, a twitching mass of anger. Thanks for the trip down memory lane, Mr. Kozel! Oh, also, from everything we've read, Ben Carson really was a brilliant neurosurgeon. Sadly, when it comes to politics, he's a complete ninnyhammer.

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Our story on the nice Christian bakers who would not bake a lesbian wedding cake, then raised half a million dollars from fellow gay-haters, and now refuse to pay the fine that prompted the fundraiser in the first place motivated a couple of brilliant replies from "American Shaftoe," who would just like us to know that not only does he not like The Gays, he also has found a perfect way to avoid websites' auto-deletion filters (which in our case we have not got): Umlauts!

Well it is pretty obvious that this site in inhabited by fäggots, feminists, nëgroes, and nerds. I am out.Later queers!

But before he left, he needed to correct our English, because he happens to know that some words simply do not exist:  

There is no such thing as a homophobe, it is not real. That is a made up bullshït term from the LGBTXYZ's to make themselves feel better about 95% of the population being disgusted at the abnormal shït they do.

Again with the umlauts! He is truly a master of subversion. We wish him well in his efforts to remain free of the insidious fäggot-feminist-nëgro-nerd cabal that is ruining this nation.

Replying to the same article, "Elmer Robinson" offered a simple solution to the whole gay-cakes conundrum:

Let the faggot creeps bake their own damn cake.

Point of order, sir! The people who were refused service by the bigot bakers in Oregon were bulldaggers (or perhaps bülldäggers), not faggots. Read the article and get your homophobic epithets right, because we nerds are pretty darn persnickety about that sort of thing.

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On a different story about internet-enriched bigots, our piece on the nice Christian pizza-bakers in Indiana who were tricked by tricksy gays to cater a gay wedding inspired "Ann Smith" to imagine how The Gays plotted out this nefarious stunt and did great damage to their own Gay Agenda in the process:

(Gay Dialogue here): "Hey, I know how to make everyone in America love us!!!! Let's go out and make fun and denigrate their religious beliefs that they hold sacred (and, by the way, half of America pretty much does hold their religious beliefs sacred! Grow up!

We were going to point out that that's more of a Gay Monologue, but then we noticed that the gay person appears to have suddenly turned into Ann Smith halfway through, so maybe it's a dialogue after all. Grow up! Also, too, we were surprised that Memories Pizza was even in a position to have been pranked in the first place, since back in April the owners were fretting that the place had been driven out of business forever. We guess they got better.

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And finally, our story about the horrifying allegations that U.S. military personnel turned a blind eye to Afghan authorities sexually abusing boys drew these thoughtful comments from one "Janet Noll." You can really get a terrific sense of her deep empathy for the child victims here:

• If the US govt. stands behind child rape, and it does by not stopping it when they can, then this country is in big trouble. Where are our morals? We know Satan supports this abuse and is the force behind Islam and anyone with any sense knows how sick this so called religion (brainwashing sect) is. WE ARE BETTER THEN THE SATANIC ISLAMIC FOLLOWERS.

• This is why I hate Islam. What it does to children and women is disgusting Anyone who supports Islam in any way, supports EVIL.

• NUKE IT! Everyone of these raped children grow into angry muslim men. Explains a lot doesn't it???

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Thanks for clearing that up: Islam abuses women and children, so the only way to solve this horrible abuse is to vaporize both the abusers and their victims. Janet Noll is advocating a solution that sounds an awful lot like this other weird cultural practice where victims of rape get stoned to death for adultery, although we can't quite recall where that happens. Still, we bet that would really teach our Afghan allies a lesson and calm things down in that part of the world. Has Ms. Noll considered applying to be a foreign policy advisor to the Donald Trump campaign?