Delivery When Expected! Tabs, Wed., May 20, 2026
Hooray!
Know what our cryptic headline means? It means we ordered something and it came when we expected it and we just got the notification. Not so cryptic after all! Shut up, Wonkette.
Tabs!
Please enjoy Trump’s “Not Personal Lawyer LOL” Todd Blanche queening THE FUCK out yesterday in the Senate when Senator Chris Van Hollen referred to him as such.
And here is some more of Todd queening out at Chris Van Hollen, it was good TV, he’s a really pathetic little fluffer, and nothing more.
Sure sounds like Todd was lying to Congress right there, and here is him lying some more:
Heather Cox Richardson has lots of very good perspective on Donald Trump’s $1.776 billion slush fund for all his favorite terrorist pals, the agreement never to go after any of the Trump’s for their tax crimes ever again, and the fact that this “settlement” of his lawsuit wasn’t actually a “settlement,” but rather an unrelated drug deal between Trump and his own Justice Department to rob the American people and pay off Trump and his cronies. [Letters From An American]
Meanwhile, ugly little chubby-cheeked couchfucker JD Vance just wants to know why nobody ever has any sympathy for the J6 terrorists.
“Drone-proofing.”
Drone empire!
How bad is Bari Weiss failing at her job? This bad.
That homely boy “Clavicular” puts shopping bags on his penis to try to make it bigger, but we bet it doesn’t work. [New York Post]
And did you hear when that homely boy “Clavicular” went to get sentenced for shooting an alligator, all anybody could talk about was how sexy the judge was?
All we know is that it must be really upsetting to go through life looking so plain and nondescript as homely boy “Clavicular” AKA “Old Penis Bags.”
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Candace Owens is doing an interview with Hunter Biden, and boy oh boy, we hope that is some kind of massive trolling on his part, because otherwise we just don’t know. [Gateway Pundit]
Thomas Massie last lost his primary to the MAGA creep Donald Trump endorsed in order to get Massie out. Massie will spend the rest of his time in office getting accountability for the victims in the Trump Epstein child rape files. [AP]
Meanwhile, Donald Trump has endorsed Ken Paxton in the Texas Senate primary, sending a real fuck you to John Cornyn and also maybe paving the way for a James Talarico victory in November if Paxton wins. [BBC]
EIGHT DEMOCRATIC SENATORS voted to confirm to a lifetime appointment a Trump judge who wouldn’t admit that Joe Biden won the 2020 election. EIGHT. And Sheldon Whitehouse was one of them, which one of the many reasons lately why we don’t buy Sheldon Whitehouse’s fucking shit anymore. [Nomination Notes]
OK that’s enough tabs, more when we write more!
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Your beary maternal hed gif info: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/ride-and-dine-bear-cub
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The slush fund is a message to future insurrectionists, fight for me to stay in the White House and I will pay you and pardon you. The Orange Cult leader is planning on never leaving.