Discover more from Wonkette
OF COURSE Dems Will Be On GOP 'Did Hunter Biden's Penis Make COVID In A Lab?' Committees, They're Not Idiots
Why give up a front-row seat to somebody else's comic failure?
We all probably have at least vague memories of what happened after then-Speaker Nancy Pelosi rejected some of Kevin McCarthy's most egregiously seditionist bastard picks for the January 6 Select Committee. Pelosi was doing her best to make sure the Committee was serious and would actually investigate January 6. She also was trying to be as fair as possible and give Republicans a voice on the Committee.
Kevin McCarthy did not take Nancy Pelosi up on that opportunity, because he is an airhead and a twit. McCarthy had an opportunity to find a couple replacements Pelosi would not immediately reject, people who were not Jim Jordan or Jim Banks, and the Republicans would have been part of the Committee, which would have given them a platform for communicating important Republican messages like "Down with woke M&Ms!" or "Hunter Biden's penis!" or whatever it was that day.
If McCarthy had the brain cells to rub together in his sweet little head, he would have done that.
Instead McCarthy pulled all his nominees, and Pelosi made the Committee bipartisan by appointing the only two patriotic Republicans left, Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger. The rest of the Republican caucus was shut down, left to toil for Hunter Biden's penis in the darkness, completely alone.
Now that Democrats are in the (barely) minority, they are not going to make stupid amateur Kevin McCarthy mistakes, and they will not be out in the darkness by themselves, looking for Hunter Biden's penis. That's not a thing they're looking for, first of all.
And for another, they understand that if Republicans are putting together absolutely fuckbonkers committees designed only to fling the dingleberries they find in their underwear at the wall and see what lands on Fox News, it would be stupid of them to refuse to participate. Why give up an opportunity to openly mock this shit day in, day out, and shine a constant light on how Kevin McCarthy's GOP is wasting the American people's time and money chasing delusional clown fantasies?
“It is our intent to seat members on … every select committee, every subcommittee that the leadership on the majority side advances,” Rep. Pete Aguilar (D-Calif.) told reporters in the Capitol. [...]
Aguilar said Democrats won’t [make the same mistake Republicans made with the Jan. 6 Committee], when Republicans are poised to create a series of special committees to investigate the Biden administration and other facets of federal policy, including what Republicans consider the “weaponization” of the government to target Trump and other conservatives unfairly.
“We call that the ‘tinfoil hat committee’ in our caucus,” Aguilar said.
Aside from the weaponization select subcommittee, which will emerge as a special branch of the Judiciary Committee, Republicans are also set to create a select committee on U.S. strategy towards China. Both panels are set to get floor votes on Tuesday afternoon.
Republicans are also going to investigate their masturbation fantasies about Dr. Anthony Fauci secretly inventing COVID-19 in a lab late at night with his beakers and his Bunsen burners, and they're going to investigate the investigation into January 6, just in case they can find anything to scream about there.
When Republicans are in control, absolutely nothing gets done, but they sure do get famous yelling words like "BENGHAZI!11!1!" and "EMAILS!!1!!!" In the case of the Hillary Clinton investigations to which we just alluded, they often take those opportunities to repeatedly step on their own dicks, right there where children can see.
Why wouldn't Democrats want a front row seat to that? And why wouldn't they want a direct line of communication with Americans, if only so everyone can point at the clownass Republicans and laugh together?
It was fun during the 9,000 hours it took for Kevin McCarthy to fail his way into the speaker's gavel, this will be good, clean fun too. You'll see!
[ The Hill ]
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!
And once that doesn't exist, I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@firstname.lastname@example.org) and at Post!
Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!