Disgraced Former Rep. And Roid-Rager Michael Grimm Going To Pokey, For Tax Criming

Remember Michael Grimm? Probably not, but we will remind you. He was a Republican congressman from New York that one time, until he had to resign because of how he didn't report of all his wages and revenue and kinda sorta filed fake tax documents for his restaurant, Healthalicious, OOPS, which is UNLEGAL, as a former FBI agent should probably know. First he was all like, "Nah, I did not cheat on my taxes, because I am a moral man, a man of integrity, so I would never -- ah, damnit, OK, you caught me, yeah I did that, I am guilty. But I will not resign from Congress, and you can't make me!"

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But then he resigned and we all mostly forgot about him, just another typical criming-while-white Republican, whatever, so typical. Until now:  

Michael G. Grimm, a former New York congressman who resigned from office after pleading guilty to tax fraud, was given an eight-month sentence on Friday. [...]

“I was wrong, absolutely wrong, to pay them off the books,” Mr. Grimm said at the proceeding, just before he was sentenced by Judge Pamela K. Chen of Federal District Court in Brooklyn.

“All my life I have scraped and I have clawed and I have killed myself to better myself,” he said, adding that he was afraid of failure. “A Marine is taught not to fail.

“Give me the opportunity to redeem myself.”

Grimm's lawyer said he should not have to be punished for reals, because of how he is a veteran and how he served the public so good, and also too, has he not suffered enough, what with the humiliation of being busted for tax frauding and having to resign from Congress in disgrace? But the judge was like, meh, don't care, you are going to prison, mister:

“That this type of crime is common does not lessen its significance,” the judge said. “Your moral compass, Mr. Grimm, needs some reorientation.”

Yep, have fun getting your morals reoriented in the slammer, Michael Grimm. Maybe they will teach you how to not threaten to throw a reporter off a balcony, and “break him in half,” “like a boy.”

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As for your other hobby of sexing ladies in the toilet of fancypants Manhattan wine bars, which is classy as fuck? Well, that's still legal, but prison does not have any wine bars, or ladies, sorry -- though plenty of toilets, which you will maybe get to clean, like a common criminal, with your toothbrush.

[ NYT ]