Do-Do-Do-DOOOO! Announcing The 2026 Wonkette Friends And Family (That's You, Dummies) Tour For 2026!

I mean, announcing it for any of you who didn't already read Tabs.

Did you know that some of you don’t even read the morning Tabs, the artisanal newslinks I collect by hand unless it is Monday, when Marcie does them so I don’t have to work Sundays, or Tuesday, when Evan does them so I don’t have to work Mondays. Wonkette! The internet home of the four-day workweek so’s we won’t die!

It’s true. Some of you do not read the morning Tabs, up to and including usually my husband and Commie Girl Industries Inc. vice president, Shypixel.

Goddamn I need to buy him those 1972 floral briefs as modeled on Mike. They are from the year Shy was born!

Right so as I announced in this morning’s Tabs which somehow not all of you always read, we’re having some WONKPARTIES as we see our FRIENDS AND FAMILY (that’s you dummies!), and they are like so:

First, don your best three-piece beach suit and tie, including the girls, we are going to HAWAII.

First we shall see you on the Big Island on Thurs., May 14 (location suggestions welcome! I like Pahoa and Pohoiki). Then we shall see you also too Friday evening, May 15, in Honolulu! Probably somewhere near (or on!) Kuhio Beach, as that’s where we’ll be staying for our niecelet Sadie’s college graduation. Suggestions welcome there too. Should we have a beach picnic? Might needs maybe have a beach picnic.

Don’t forget your cursed tiki idol!

Second, get together your best cattle rancher three piece suit and also all your EVIL GLARES, for to see us in MISSOULA, MONTANA!

We shall see you in the afternoon on Sat., July 25, for a picnic at Caras Park maybe, or maybe we’ll do the Union Club again, let me call them and find out. Whom will we be there to see? Our good son and daughter-in-law and their forthcoming CHILD, and YOU!

And finally get your tuxedo and Champagne ready, you must be very fancy to attend us in SAN FRANCISCO!

Your friend Fukui (is he still named Fukui?) says we must see you at the EMBARCADERO HYATT, let’s call it Mon., Nov. 30, 5-7 p.m., after my long weekend in Sonoma with my husband for “legally required annual corporate shareholder meeting (lol).” Which of my family members shall be there? I don’t know, some, none, or all. And YOU.

Now you may commence to JIBBER IN EXCITEMENT in this OPEN THREAD.