DOES ROGER STONE SHOCK YOU, ROBERT MUELLER? IS HE A VERY SHOCKING BOY?

spoiler, the answer is yes

Out of all the characters in the story of the Trump-Russia conspiracy, Roger Stone bores us the most. Considering Stone's bombastic "LOOKUH ME! I'M THE DIRTY TRICKSTER FIXER!" personality, it would probably kill him to know we think Paul Manafort is more interesting than he is. Oh well. We do think it's funny how he thinks the CIA is constantly assassinating him, though. But, aside from that ... meh. Maybe if he had a normal shaped head, we would like him better.

There is a point to this post, we swear, and it is that special counsel Robert Mueller is taking a close look-see at Stone, especially regarding his claims of being BFFs with WikiLeaks trashball Julian Assange:

The special counsel investigating alleged links between Trump campaign associates and Russians is looking into longtime adviser Roger Stone’s 2016 claim that he had met with WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, according to a person familiar with the matter. [...]

In an email dated Aug. 4, 2016, Mr. Stone wrote: “I dined with Julian Assange last night,” according to a copy of the message reviewed by The Wall Street Journal. Mr. Stone is a longtime informal adviser to President Donald Trump who at that point had no official campaign role.

The note, to former Trump adviser Sam Nunberg, adds to a growing number of times Mr. Stone claimed during the campaign to be in contact with WikiLeaks. The next day, Mr. Stone publicly praised Mr. Assange via Twitter.

OH HEY SAM NUNBERG! Sounds like Nunberg's newfound willingness to cooperate with Mueller, after spending a day drunk-dialing every news organization in America to bellyache about how he wasn't going to cooperate because he didn't want to hurt his beloved adopted father Roger Stone, is bearing some fruit!

Roger Stone is always going back and forth on whether he literally actually is BFFs with Julian Assange, or whether he is just a starfucker who met Julian Assange once and they're not even Facebook friends. About this email, Stone says it was OBVIOUSLY a joke (haha! LMAO!) and that this doesn't count as conspiracy because he said it "in jest." Maybe he was attempting to be funny, all elegantly saying I DINED WITH JULIAN ASSANGE like he's a soldier writing home from the battlefield like MY DEAREST GWENDOLYN! No, it's not very funny, but Roger Stone is a dork with an oddly shaped head, so we're not expecting a barrel of kneeslappers.

Of course, as WSJ reminds us, Stone has   seemed to be in the know about certain aspects of the Russian WikiLeaks operation to release stolen emails from the Hillary Clinton campaign and the DNC. For instance, it wasn't too long after this Stone email that he tweeted about how it would soon be Clinton campaign chair John Podesta's "time in the barrel," which strangely happened just before WikiLeaks started dumping Podesta's emails. Oh, but Stone has an answer for that too! He was only saying he thought all kinds of dirty information was going to come out about Podesta's brother's firm and its foreign lobbying, from somewhere . Is that so? Fuck if we know! Do we care? Nah, let's let Robert Mueller figure it out, because again, Roger Stone is BOOOOOOORING. And if Stone is indeed guilty, then it will be HIS "time in the barrel," like he tweeted about Podesta.

That is, if the CIA doesn't assassinate Roger Stone a bunch of times before Robert Mueller has a chance to do that. Sucks how the CIA always does that to poor Roger. It's a good thing he gets better.

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[ Wall Street Journal ]