Donald Trump Has YOOOOOOGE, Beautiful Plan To Elect Hillary Clinton President

Recently, Donald "I am Donald Trump!" Trump had to reassure everyone that no, he is not a secret Democratic operative, playing in the GOP primary for the purposes of making all the other candidates eat each other alive and just look dumb. OR IS HE? Well maybe he has changed his mind on the subject, because the RNC is being mean to him and saying things like "Hey, stop calling the Mexicans rapists, stop punching John McCain in the face, and also you are an asshole," which is NOT part of Trump's plan to Make America Great Again, so maybe if they keep being such bitches he'll run third party:

“The RNC has not been supportive. They were always supportive when I was a contributor. I was their fair-haired boy,” the business mogul told The Hill in a 40-minute interview from his Manhattan office at Trump Tower on Wednesday. “The RNC has been, I think, very foolish.”

Pressed on whether he would run as a third-party candidate if he fails to clinch the GOP nomination, Trump said that “so many people want me to, if I don’t win.”

“I’ll have to see how I’m being treated by the Republicans,” Trump said. “Absolutely, if they’re not fair, that would be a factor.”

They're just not being FAIR. Donald Trump knows "fair," because he is the yooooogest, richest man in U.S. America (or 405th, but who's counting?), and you don't achieve that if you don't understand how to play nice and fair with others. So Trump is very butthurt because the RNC is not kisses his 69-year-old windsock ass like a "fair-haired boy," and he will take matters into his own hands if he has to.

[contextly_sidebar id="teKDOuAbeqHKZWJOT8CyDEiBixUgnOL8"]

First, he wants to give the RNC a chance, though, just in case they really do love him as much as he knows that every patriotic American loves him, in our hearts. That starts at the debates:

“I’ve got a lot of knowledge having to do with government. For the debates, I’ll work on that,” he said. “As far as the debate is concerned, these politicians debate every night. That’s all they do is talk. I don’t do that. I do other things. I’m a job creator.”

Yr Wonkette looks forward to watching as the other Republican candidates debate each other, while Trump stands in the middle of the stage and CREATES JOBS.

Anyway, will this work? The fuck you say, of course it won't, because look at this poll, which says that if Trump runs third-party, he will lose like a loser, and so will the Republican nominee, and Hillary Clinton will win all 57 states, twice, in heels, and a pantsuit:

In a general election trial heat, Clinton leads Bush, the GOP fundraising leader, by a slight 50-44 percent among registered voters. But with Trump as an independent candidate that goes to 46-30-20 percent, Clinton-Bush-Trump – with Trump drawing support disproportionately from Bush, turning a 6-point Clinton advantage into 16 points.

Hurray, this is a great idea, maybe Trump is a Democratic plant after all, and we will have the funnest election ever! You get in there and create jobs, Donald Trump! Er, create one job! For a lady named Hillary!

[ The Hill / ABC News   via   Talking Points Memo ]