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Donald Trump Might Have To Shoot Paul Ryan In The Middle Of 5th Avenue
Donald Trump warned on TV Sunday that he hasn't ruled out replacing Paul Ryan as chairman of this summer's Republican National Convention. Now that Trump has ascended to the GOP nomination, he can do what he damned well pleases, and if some pipsqueak speaker of the House doesn't have the integrity to fall in line, maybe Trump will just replace him with a convention chair who'll jump when Trump says "Jump!"
Mr. Trump stopped short of calling for Mr. Ryan, the speaker of the House, to step down from his convention role. But in an interview that aired Sunday on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” Mr. Trump said there could be consequences in the event that Mr. Ryan continued withholding his support.
“I will give you a very solid answer, if that happens, about one minute after that happens, O.K.?” Mr. Trump said. “There’s no reason to give it right now, but I’ll be very quick with the answer.”
OK, then! We'll put in an order for another bushel of popcorn! Trump wasted no time turning his appearance on MTP into an Airing of Grievances, complaining that Jeb Bush was "not honorable" for not following through on the Very Serious Blood Oath all GOP candidates signed, promising to support the eventual nominee -- you know, that thing Trump regularly said he'd disregard if the party wasn't sufficiently deferential to him. He also griped that Mitt Romney was "ungrateful" for Trump's endorsement in 2012, as if Romney hadn't groveled enough for the Great Man four years ago. As for Lindsey Graham, who said Friday he would never vote for Trump, Trump dismissed him as "this lightweight." Trump also took to his favorite communications medium to condemn the scoundrels' betrayal:
We'd suggest it would be cool if dueling were still legal, but there are Rules against saying that sort of thing around here. So Trump will have to stick to Sunday talk shows at 20 paces.
Trump affected not to care one way or the other about whether Ryan ultimately backed him, saying only, "I’d like to have his support. But if he doesn’t want to support me, that’s fine, and we have to go about it."
We have to offer our congratulations to Brendan Buck, Paul Ryan's spokesman. When asked by the New York Times to comment on Trump's threat to give Ryan the heave-ho, Buck simply answered, "The speaker looks forward to meeting with Mr. Trump on Thursday." We'd like to think he said that exactly like John Gielgud in Arthur, then put down the phone and said to himself, "Perhaps he'd like us to come and wash his dick for him, too, the little shit."
Were it not for his millions of raving idiot supporters, poor Donald might be feeling awfully unloved, considering that nobody in the GOP establishment wants to acknowledge the creature they created:
Four of the last five Republican presidential nominees — George Bush, George W. Bush, John McCain and Mitt Romney — have said they will skip the convention in Cleveland, where Mr. Trump is expected to be formally nominated.
We had to count backward to remember Bob Dole from 1996, who on Friday actually endorsed Trump, no doubt figuring that after doing ads for Pepsi and Viagra, he didn't have a hell of a lot of principle left to stand on anyway.
In a related development, Trump said Monday he didn't necessarily agree with campaign surrogate Sarah Palin's plans to support Paul Ryan's opponent in the Wisconsin primary election. In an interview on CNN's "New Day," Trump said,
Sarah Palin has endorsed me, and I like her a lot. I think she’s a terrific person [...]
But I have nothing to do with that. You know, Sarah’s very much a free agent. She's a terrific person but she’s very much a free agent and I didn't know about this until yesterday. I guess she's been fighting or she’s endorsing somebody running against Paul Ryan. And I didn't know about it until yesterday when I read about it.
That's exactly the kind of tight ship Donald Trump runs. Yr Wonkette will continue to update you on preparations for the GOP convention as they develop. Please make sure to wear a helmet and to securely fasten your safety harness.