Donald Trump Takes Firm Stand Against China Raping Us (Because That Is Mexico's Job)
At a campaign rally in Fort Wayne, Indiana, on Sunday, Donald Trump forcefully described China's trade relationship with the USA as an act of sexual violence:
"Don't forget. We're like the piggybank that's being robbed. We have the cards. We have a lot of power with China," Trump told an audience in Fort Wayne, Indiana. "When China doesn't want to fix the problem in North Korea, we say, 'Sorry, folks, you gotta fix the problem.' Because we can't continue to allow China to rape our country. And that's what they're doing. It's the greatest theft in the history of the world."
If you want to get all nitpicky about dumb little details, China actually has imposed trade sanctions on North Korea over recent North Korean missile tests. Hahaha, we wrote that as if it's news that Donald Trump lies about everything his lying mouth says.
Not that Donald Trump dislikes China or its rapists:
"I mean, China's great. No problem. I'm not angry with China," he continued. "And I'm not angry at Japan. And I'm not angry at Mexico. I'm not angry at anybody. I'm angry at our leaders, because they are grossly incompetent and they shouldn't have ever been elected to do this job. Terrible."
Clearly, we were asking for it, all tarted up in that seductive free trade short skirt like a Most Favored Nation trade slut.
We suppose this would be as good a time as any to mention that when it comes to non-metaphorical rape and legitimate rapists, Donald Trump is OK with it, as long as the rapist is famous. In a speech in Indianapolis Wednesday, Trump proudly announced that he'd been endorsed by convicted rapist Mike Tyson, who was convicted -- yes, in Indianapolis -- of raping 18-year-old Desiree Washington in 1992.
"Mike Tyson endorsed me," Trump told the crowd. "I love it. He sent out a tweet. Mike. Iron Mike. You know, all the tough guys endorse me. I like that, OK?
"But Mike said, 'I love Trump. I endorse Trump.' And that's the end. I'm sure he doesn't know about your economic situation in Indiana. But when I get endorsed by the tough ones, I like it, because you know what? We need toughness now. We need toughness."
And toughness is all about raping beauty pageant winners, who despite Tyson's conviction at trial, were really only asking for it, as Buzzfeed reminded us last week. Clearly, Ms. Washington was asking for it, because as Trump explained on NBC News in 1992,
You have a young woman that was in his hotel room late in the evening at her own will ... You have a young woman seen dancing for the beauty contest — dancing with a big smile on her face, looked happy as can be. [...]
It’s my opinion that to a large extent, Mike Tyson was railroaded in this case[.]
No woman who smiles and dances in a man's hotel room could ever be raped, for heaven sakes. And an alleged spousal rapist ought to know what is and isn't rape -- spousal rape not even being a thing that exists, according to Trump's lawyer.
Maybe Trump thinks we should deal with China's rape of the United States the way he suggested Mike Tyson deal with the rape accusation by Desiree Washington: Pay the United States several million dollars to keep quiet about it.
The Tyson endorsement was condemned, of course, by Carly Fiorina, Ted Cruz's "running mate," but more significantly, by former prosecutor Greg Garrison, now a conservative Indianapolis radio host:
“A tough one. Well, Mr. Trump, tough is one thing. A serial rapist is quite something else,” said Garrison, who recalled a series of harsh details in the case.
Garrison said the woman was “brutally, horribly raped,” remarking that Tyson “destroyed her life.”
Trump, for his part, is perfectly fine with being endorsed by a convicted rapist. In language remarkably similar to how he initially reacted to being endorsed by David Duke and the KKK, Trump explained it's not his fault if people like him a lot, including maybe some rapists, as long as they're tough boxers, not Mexicans:
“Well, a lot guys have endorsed me, a lot of people,” Trump said on the Mike Slater Show on Friday. “I noticed that Mike Tyson endorsed me over the internet and we will take the endorsement.”
“Look, he’s a tough cookie,” Trump continued. “He had difficulty, but a lot of people had difficulty, but Mike Tyson did me endorse me. What does she want me to do, tell him I don’t want his endorsement? Should I do that? You think I should do that? I don’t think so. So, I really know nothing about it other than I heard Mike Tyson endorsed me.”
Trump has so far not expressed an opinion on whether it would be better for the USA to rape China right back, or perhaps to bite China's ear off.