Dr. Ben Carson, A Doctor, Thinks You Are Peeing Ebola

Dr. Ben Carson has such a nice, calm demeanor and a soothing bedside manner that must have helped in his long career as a neurosurgeon. Perhaps if this whole running (maybe) for president thing doesn’t work out, he could find some work as a screenwriter for Troma. Because his scenario about a cash-strapped lab worker selling Ebola-infected urine to terrorists sounds hilarious. What happens after the terrorists get their hands on the Pee of Death? Do they slip it into Todd Starnes’s refrigerator?

Since we’re not running for president, what ways can we think up for Ebola-infected bodily fluids to reach the public?

• An Ebola victim donates to a sperm bank, which turns around and sells his swimmers to a nice lesbian couple looking to get pregnant. Next thing you know – dum dum DUM – Ebola!

• A guy with Ebola vomits all over a sidewalk. Your vomit-eating dog comes along and slurps it up, then goes home and licks your face. D’oh! Ebola!

• David Vitter contracts Ebola on a Congressional trip to Africa, comes home and transmits the virus to the hooker who changes his poopy diapers. Ta da! Ebola!

• An Ebola-infected bear makes love to Andrew Sullivan, who then infects the staff of The Dish by sweating all over them while he’s on a particularly apoplectic rant. That’s Ebola!

Feel free to come up with your own scenarios in the comments. Oh, and Ben Carson is a jackhole, also too.

[ Mediaite ]