Dr. Rand Paul Would Like To Investigate Hillary Clinton's Innards For Signs Of Pestilence
Dr. Dipshit
Hey-o, we gots us a message from Dr. Rand Paul! Remember that guy? He was running for the Republican presidential nomination, but then he dropped out like a little loser, just because he was losing so hard to Donald Trump and Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio. It was pathetic! Like, if we were his dad, we would be so embarrassed. Anyway, Rand Paul is also an allegedly certified eye doctor, so he's pretty sure Hillary Clinton's little bout with pneumonia was probably a false flag for whatever is REALLY going on inside her frail, dying body.
Rand told all his alleged medical knowledge to Tom Roten of 800 WVHU radio:
I think it is troubling when we look at the reports from Clinton, not just the potential health problems that she has but also sort of the dissembling, the dishonesty about it. And when they trotted out that diagnosis of pneumonia a couple days after the fact, America just didn’t buy it because they assume the Clintons will probably lie to you anyway. And I think it is concerning really even if you’re her family member and you’re very concerned about her health that maybe they need to look deeper into finding an answer.
Wait, "America" didn't buy it? Haha, Rand Paul, YOU are not "America," and you might not even be a real doctor. Also, the people trafficking in these Hillary health conspiracies aren't really "America" either, because fuck them, they are the worst of what America has to offer. One might even say they are part of a "basket of deplorables."
Also, we are fairly certain that if there was something REALLY bad going on, Hillary Clinton's concerned family members, like her husband Bill and her daughter Chelsea and her lover Huma (hahaha JOKES), would pull her aside and force her ass into the doctor's office for a check-up.
[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/dr-rand-paul-just-looking-out-for-hillarys-health-because-shes-soooooo-old-is-all"></a>[/wonkbar]Rand has done this concern trolling before, because you know how OLD Hillary is. Sure, Donald Trump is older, but he is a dude, and men are MAGIC YOOGE PARAGONS OF HEALTH when they are old, whereas ladies are withering sacks of disease. Or something. We really don't know what the logic behind this is, besides "sexism" and "HILLARY IS THE DEVIL!"
If you remember Hillary's "pneumonia incident," she had been doing some coughing in the weeks prior to that fateful 9/11 memorial, when she became overheated or overworked or overtired or whatever the hell it was. She was nursing a cough, blaming it on allergies, and we're gonna guess she was probably being stubborn as all hell about getting it checked out. Running for president isn't one of those jobs you get to just take a week off from, and she clearly pushed it to the point that all of a sudden in a crowd on a 79 degree day, her body was like "SCREW YOU, HILLZ, WE ARE GOING TO LIE DOWN NOW." It happens.
[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/what-is-hillary-clinton-dying-from-today"></a>[/wonkbar]But if you are Dr. Rand Paul, who possibly has a medical license that enables him to treat eye holes, you have the expertise to see that there's obviously SOMETHING bad going on inside Hillary's old woman body. It's the same medical expertise possessed by internet trolls and other Not Medical Experts, who are pretty sure she's got Parkinson's or Down syndrome or consumption or the vapors or some kind of obscure disease only ladies get, probably in their lady parts.
STFU Rand, you're not an actual part of this presidential election season for a reason. (Because people hate you, and you're a moron.)
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There's no one to go see. My teeth are fucked; they all need to be pulled and I need dentures. Pulling one would just create an open wound for the others to infect. In theory, I have Medicaid and that's supposed to cover what I need done. But in reality, the cheapie denture dentist says that he can't do mine, because I need something that requires general anesthesia and an oral surgeon, which they don't do. And there isn't an oral surgeon within a 99 mile radius of me that takes adults on Medicaid. I know; I checked, and so did the Medicaid insurance people. (Never mind that a dentist 98 miles away wouldn't really be feasible either, since I don't have a car or anyone who can drive me.)
If an infection is bad enough, I can go to the ER and get antibiotics, although I really try to avoid that because I hate getting the lecture about how they aren't dentists and I should be going to the dentist instead of clogging up the emergency room. So mostly I just self treat. This latest abscess wasn't so bad. It's already gone down a lot. I've pretty much just accepted that I'm probably going to lose some number of years off my life because of constant tooth infections. That seems stupid, but everyone has to die from something, I guess.
Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry, and I hope you didn't think I was being flippant. I responded as I did because I have had to self-treat bad teeth. I went w/o any health insurance at all for 20+ years, and when a tooth went bad, I begged or borrowed or pawned stuff for the money to have it pulled(screw even thinking about having it fixed), which cost a little over $100. I got a small chunk of money as an inheritance, and the first thing I did was buy myself some dentures. That was in 2010.
I am sad and enraged that you have to endure this. I am enraged that anyone in the richest fucking country in the world has to go through this or anything like this. Is there anything I can do? Does your county have days when dentists volunteer their services for low-income folks?