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Duck Dynasty Dude Was Molested Too, And Not Just By Family's Gross Religious Beliefs
The fundamentalist wackaloon "Duck Dynasty" family still exists, and youngest son Jep Robertson has decided now is a good time to come forward with his own story about being a reality teevee star who was molested as a child. (Not by an older sibling, though; that would be REALLY messed up.)
Jep tells his story in a new book he coauthored with his wife Jessica, about growing up Robertson (ugh), and how he was an addict when he was younger, until his family intervened, and also a bunch of God stuff. Despite the fact that the Robertson family is gross and creepy and ewwwwwwww and horrible -- remember how Jesus is the only thing keeping family patriarch Phil Robertson from lopping off your penis? -- we have to give credit to Jep for talking openly about how he was molested when he was six, by a high school-aged girl on the school bus, without even blaming the liberal media. From the book:
"An older girl started sitting next to me. She seemed sweet at first. She'd come sit beside me, like a motherly figure almost. I remember her being sweet and taking care of me. I liked to sit in the back so she'd come sit with me."
"After a while the girl started doing strange things," the story in the book continues. "She'd take my hands and push them up under her shirt and tell me I was tickling her. Then she started making me pull down my pants. It was awkward. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew something wasn't right."
Jep told "Entertainment Tonight" that he repressed those memories for a long time, and also that he was never really able to talk to his parents about it, only revealing it to his wife years later. And we can understand, not only because abused kids often don't tell anyone, but also because his parents are gross and weird and believe some really fucked up shit about sex. For example:
Remember that time Phil Robertson went on and on about how lady vaginas have SOOOO much more to offer his duck-calling wang than man asses do?
Or when he shouted to thunderous applause that when you ladies are in the potty, "putting on your Maybelline," he will most definitely NOT be in the bathroom taking a leak with you, because he is not a gross transgender.
Phil Robertson thinks teen brides are A-OKAY! We do hope that Jep's little girls are not being taught to get
sold off to new ownersmarried off at 15, for Jesus.
Daddy Robertson also knows that the only sex ed a kid could ever need is how to do "biblically correct" sex to your lady-wife, and that way you won't get The Herp or any other rotting crotch flesh diseases.
And so on and so forth. We don't know how much of that nonsense Jep believes, but it sounds as if maybe he's trying to teach his kids the right thing.
"I know it sounds weird but it's helped me now that I have a bunch of girls. I think it helps us really communicate with them on what's right and what's wrong -- where you should be touched or not be touched." Good for you, Jep, for having the courage to talk about sex things with your kids instead of just misquoting the Bible. Maybe there are people in his audience who might be helped by his story too.
And hey, we guess Jill Duggar was completely fucking wrong when she told Megyn Kelly that the way the Duggar family is being molested by the mean liberals will make other abuse victims too scared to come forward. At the time, we hilariously quipped, "We feel fairly comfortable predicting that since most abuse victims don’t have top-rated reality shows, this one may be a stretch."
Looks like the joke's on us, because here is an abuse victim with a top-rated reality show, coming forward with his story. We hope the mean perverts in the liberal media aren't too hard on him.