Elon Musk Would Like To Measure Mark Zuckerberg's Penis, Literally
Just a regular suggestion from a regular person.
Let us tell you, it is going GREAT for Elon Musk ever since Mark Zuckerberg started that Threads doohickey. Threads is fine, Threads is whatever, and the clientele does still seem to skew heavy on people who don't really have opinions on any topics. But hey! It exists and millions of people have accounts. It's serviceable!
But please nobody suggest that Elon is scared or upset. He is not scared, and he is not upset, and he does not feel threatened, and he is not angry.
Apparently Elon's pasty white man boobs surf the alt-right message boards and he thinks, "Wow, the slang lingos these white guys use sure are cool! Maybe I will figure out a way to work them into a sentence of my own someday! And on that day I will make new friends."
Hours and hours later, Musk came back to the same reply thread and devoted some of his Sunday night to adding:
"I propose a literal dick measuring contest." And he used a ruler emoji. Cool.
So that's how that's going. Please write in the newspaper that Elon seems cool and that Mark Zuckerberg would lose the dick measuring contest.
The replies from Elon's lunch table full of paid blue checks who have to wear orthodontic headgear to school and loudly hiss at you that you can't sit with them are mostly making the same "joke" that Elon forgot to log into his parody account to type these very hilarious jokes. A few others are saying things along the lines of "leave it to Elon Musk to make Mark Zuckerberg look like the normal, well-adjusted one in the room."
There are also tweets like this on the internet:
— (@)
"It's so funny that this is the fight of Elon's life and Zuckerberg is winning by virtue of the fact that photos exist of him with his kids." Yeah, that does seem to say something about who we're dealing with here.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch:
"You will get more laughs from this app than everything else combined," said Elon Musk, who knows about laughs. (He posts the laughing-until-crying reply all the time, he gets jokes. No, it doesn't mean he's angrier than he's ever been.)
"But I have to warn you ... don't be shocked ... there's some negative stuff too."
Many of Elon's other tweets this weekend are part of his demented anti-trans crusade, so he's not wrong about that.
Linda Yaccarino has to be feeling awesome about her career choices right now.
At this point, Threads is hovering right around 100 million users. It's fine. It seems to us to be a better place than Twitter, but that's an extremely low bar. Last week, Elon announced he was going to sue Meta for allegedly poaching Twitter employees (that he fired), who then allegedly used Twitter trade secrets to create Threads. Allegedly giant wanking motion dot gif.
Elon Musk Gonna Sue Meta For Aggravated Stole His Idea For 'What About Words On Internet?'
Oh yeah and we guess Elon still wants to have that cage-fighting match with Zuck.
And that penis-measuring contest.
But presumably he wouldn't be interested in a "Look at the picture my child made for me at school today" contest. That might shine a light on some uncomfortableness.
It's going great for Elon.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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