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Wookie Monster's avatar

Is Elon still holding emergency staff meetings to find out why his account has such low engagement?

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goCatgo's avatar

I guess some people like Twitter and the concept. Not me, I don't give a rat's arse.But I will help.

Elmo, dude, you are not gonna make any more money with the blue check nonsense. Likely will lose even more. So knock it off.

Looks like you are losing $1 billion a month. What you will admit to anyway.So here is the way to make money.

Do everything you can to make the user content fabulous, wonderfully entertaining, informing, happy, a joy to watch.Get everyone that people like, even if it's just a few people.Artists, performers, writers, actors, scientists, celebrities, business, sports figures, entertainers and heros. Avoid elected officials unless it is the real news of the day. Avoid politics. Even nobodies if they are smart and interesting.Make Twitter FUN to be on. Make the platform half ass intelligent so people can watch who they want.And never, never YOU decide that for them.

This way you will get more users spending more time on Twitter.Then guess what happens next?Advertisers want to peddle their stuff to them. So more $$$ for you.

Avoid politics and if you push your political views on people, you may as well shut down Twitter tomorrow. Cause that is the big fail.

You're welcome.

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Bageled Mind Virus's avatar

*elon sitting in a darkened hotel room learning html to make his own website like it's 1995* but he's not mad, you guys.

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Bageled Mind Virus's avatar

stopped clock.

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MrPug's avatar

Fuck Elon and fuck Twitter. This is an interesting and open means of verifying journalists are who they say they are and that is being used by Mastodon.

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SterWonk's avatar

This was on a few days ago!

I didn't watch it, in favor of assembling my new build server.

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LeighBowery'sLuxuryComedy's avatar

Had to try it. Number three seems particularly apt:

Write zinger tweets in the voice of an intensely gullible guy with major divorced dad energy who has all the money in the world but still can't get anybody to genuinely like him for who he is."Just bought another expensive watch, because I heard time flies when you're having fun. Wait, does that mean I'm not having fun? 😢 #DivorcedDadEnergy #GullibleGuy #LonelyRich"

"Bought a whole new wardrobe to impress my crush, but turns out she's more interested in personality. Who knew? 😂 #GullibleGuy #DivorcedDadEnergy #MoneyCan'tBuyLove"

"I spent a fortune on a new car, but still nobody wants to ride with me. Maybe I should have spent that money on driving lessons instead 🤔 #GullibleGuy #DivorcedDadEnergy #LonelyRich"

"Just paid a psychic to tell me my future, and she said I'm going to meet the love of my life soon. I guess it's time to start buying more expensive gifts 😂 #GullibleGuy #DivorcedDadEnergy #MoneyCan'tBuyHappiness"

"I tried to buy friends by throwing a lavish party, but they all left early. Maybe I should have just baked them cookies instead 🍪 #GullibleGuy #DivorcedDadEnergy #LonelyRich"

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Miss_Feckless's avatar

The hashtags are the best

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Grumpy Old Man's avatar

A billion a month!? In less than 4 years he can lose more than he paid

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Tosca's avatar

And get rid of the Nazis and incels. They're advertiser poison.

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Tosca's avatar

IIRC, he was determined to include "420" in the per-share price he publicly offered because yes, he IS that puerile. $44.20 was under the market price, so he jumped it to $54.20 per share. Which was so outrageously overvalued that shareholders JUMPED at it, he tried to back out and got sued, and here we are.

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Tosca's avatar

Nah. I've seen that argument a lot, and I don't buy it. I don't dispute there are certain advantages to him in Twitter's death but if he wanted to kill it, he could have just killed it.

His current course is haemorrhaging money, damaging the share price of his *other* companies, torching his reputation, exposing both the company and him personally to all kinds of legal trouble and generally making him an international laughing stock. I don't believe there's a man alive who'd create that shitshow on purpose.

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Delu's avatar

Elon's plans for buying twitter is on tack and very successful...if you consider that his plan was to destroy twitter to begin with.

Which, it might actually be the case.

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Tosca's avatar

Those who paid $10,000 7 years ago to "pre-order" fully self driving cars are considering suing to get their money back, too. Which would bankrupt Tesla.

Things just keep getting better for the fool, and it's Schadenfreude straight into my veins.

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Tosca's avatar

You're not a malignant narcissist who needs ALL the attention ALL the time.

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Sadie Holly's avatar

heh, I laughed when you said dog jail. My town is small and does not have animal control. When my doggie ran away and the police caught her, they put her in one of their two jail cells. The jail is usually empty, so I guess they weren't afraid of a prisoner allergy attack. I wished I had a camera (it was before I bought cell phone) she looked so sad behind the bars, She didn't get on the bed , but was sitting by the bars looking out. .

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