Everyone Is Controlled By Cuba! Tabs, Tues., July 21, 2026

Have you checked to see if you are controlled by Cuba lately?

Tabs gifs by Martini Glambassador!

Good morning, the World Cup is over and now the Trump regime can go back to just being total fascists. Haha just kidding, they didn’t take a break from that during the World Cup.

Paranoid creep Marco Rubio — who it turns out LOVES this fascism thing, guess it makes him feel like a man whose Florsheims definitely are the right size! — has come out with a report about how everybody he thinks is stinky is guilty of “Cuban subversion.” This is in the wake of his fascist confab on “left-wing terrorism,” which mostly doesn’t actually exist, and is far outshone by right-wing terrorism, or as MAGA calls it, “Tuesday.” Anyway, controlled by Cuba? Hasan Piker, Amy Goodman, Ben from Ben & Jerry’s, Zohran Mamdani, Karen Bass, Maxine Waters, and more! Better check the list to see if you are controlled by Cuba! [Ken Klippenstein[

Kash Kan’t Katch Kriminals is going on a super-secret-special-spaceman trip to the bowels of the Kremlin in October. Why? Dunno. Maybe they bought him a bottle of vodka. Maybe his girlfriend is singing at some kind of borscht-making contest. Possibilities are endless. [Politico]

Trump says he’s putting a 50 PERCENT TARIFF on everything Canadian, because 1) Baby says WAAAAAAAAAH and 2) he’s an absolute dumbfuck and 3) President Sundowner woke up mad Canada is doing “trade discrimination” to him and 4) he’s mad that Canada retaliates when he puts tariffs on him, he’s got that mindset that says he should get to hurt people without them retaliating (hey what mindset does that sound like?) and 5) he thinks Canada needs to rake its forests (refer to #2). [CNBC]

Now Trump’s asslicking DOJ wants the phone records of reporters’ moms, in its quest to find out who’s leaking embarrassing facts about the security weaknesses of Trump’s Qatari bribe plane. [New York Times]

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Booooooo hooooooo hooooo mush-mouthed chubby-bunny-faced ICE bigot says please stop calling them Nazis, he can’t even go to the grocery store without security, if y’all keep this up somebody is going to DIE. No, we mean somebody he considers human is going to die. An ICE agent. All the people they’ve murdered don’t count. [JoeMyGod]

By the way, it turns out that when people are accused of/charged with “assaulting” ICE agents, the government is probably lying/full of shit and that’s why all these cases fall apart in court and the DOJ keeps embarrassing itself. [New York Times]

The Christian nationalist demons on earth at the Office of Management and Budget have decided to kill some more HIV prevention funding, we guess that’s DEI. [Roll Call]

Darline Nordone, Lindsey Graham’s sister, says she’s running for a full Senate term. Also everybody is suddenly not using her married name, so we guess a memo went out on that one. It would be the funniest thing in the world if she lost, whether it’s the primary or the eventual general election against the Democrat Annie Andrews. [Washington Post]

Surprise, it sounds like you can’t get a pardon from Donald Trump unless you bribe him or are some kind of a political loyalist or, in the case of the January 6-ers, if you don’t attack the country and try to overthrow the government to overturn elections where he lost, like a loser. [New York Times]

These people are all corrupt monsters and absolute buffoons, that’s enough tabs for today. Here is a video of Spanish tennis superstar Carlos Alcaraz lovin’ all over Spanish fútbol superstar Lamine Yamal after their World Cup victory.

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