Far-Right Ladyblog Worried Joe Rogan Will Get Offed For Believing In Pizzagate

Just like Anne Heche was killed for a movie she did about chemtrails 13 years before she died!

He looks like a sweaty Charlie Brown. Image: Screencap

Joe Rogan did a streaming Netflix comedy special this weekend and, judging by most reviews, it was not funny. Like, beyond anything else, beyond the conspiracy theories and the talk about not being able to say racial slurs, it just was not funny — which, as you may know, is the whole point of a stand-up comedy special.

Mostly, the former “Fear Factor” host and mixed martial artist discussed the various groups of people who frighten him. He shared that he was afraid of trans people because of Psycho and Silence of the Lambs.

“I’m sorry if it’s taken me a while to adjust,” he said. “All my life if there was a movie about a killer, he was way crazier if he wore a dress. Psycho, he dresses like his mom and stabs ladies in the shower. Silence of the Lambs, it puts the lotion in the basket. Little Red Riding Hood, the wolf was dressed like a fucking lady! I’m not prejudiced!”

He compared gay men to mountain lions, saying he feared being surrounded by either.

“I love gay men. But I think about gay men the same way I think about mountain lions. I’m happy they’re real, but I don’t want to be surrounded by them. They’re a bunch of dudes who fuck dudes. I don’t like my chances! They’re not unicorns — they’re just men who fuck men. And every man who’s ever lived is a shifty cum salesman, OK? 100 percent. Especially the ones who say they’re not.”

Well, yes, because who among us could stand near Joe Rogan, a guy who looks like he’s never not a little bit sweaty and not in a sexy way, and not be overcome with lust?

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In addition to gay men, Rogan also shared that he is afraid of Black people.

“A lot of people say, ‘Hey man, you’re a fucking hypocrite ‘cause you’ll say the R word but you won’t say the N word?” revealing that his audience is largely made up of people eager to hear racial slurs. “Yeah. You’ll say the R word, but you won’t say the N word? Yeah! ‘Cause I’m more afraid of Black people than I am of r****ds! Duh! Don’t you know how jokes work, f*****t?”

I’m not quite sure that he does!

One bit that’s getting around a lot is his weirdly constructed “joke” about how COVID (and, one assumes, all of the very stupid things Joe Rogan believes about COVID) led him to believe in other conspiracy theories. Like Pizzagate.

“We lost a lot of people during COVID, and most of them are still alive,” he said. Yeah. Right? Right! There’s a lot of people I don’t fuck with anymore. Before COVID, I would have told you that vaccines are the most important invention in human history. After COVID, I'm like, 'I don't think we went to the moon. I think Michelle Obama's got a dick. I think Pizzagate is real. I think there's direct energy weapons in Antarctica.' I'm just kidding — I don't think Michelle Obama's got a dick, but I believe all of that other shit."

Okay?

Evie Magazine, a website that aspires to be the far-right Cosmo for Gen-Z lady fascists, had its own review of Rogan’s special. The words “funny” and “laugh” go wholly unmentioned, but the site did have some interesting thoughts on Rogan’s embrace of Pizzagate.

If you want to know why Rogan is inclined to believe in Pizzagate, you can read our in-depth article on it here. Let's just hope he doesn't have a target on his back after his comment – it appears celebrities with strange deaths have consistently been found to be involved in exposing child trafficking or government corruption.

This, much like most of what was reportedly in Rogan’s special, is not meant to be a joke. The site does, in fact, have terrifically credulous articles on both subjects. I especially like that the “strange deaths” article has a section on Anne Heche in which it suggests that she may not have actually died and implies that one reason she might have been offed was because of a 2009 movie about chemtrails that she was in with many other people who are not dead. Although. Her co-star, James Tupper, did play a character who faked his own death on “Revenge,” so that could mean … absolutely nothing.

Am I starting to get how this is supposed to work?

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It is, of course, entirely possible that Joe Rogan could die for his conspiratorial beliefs, but it’s a lot more likely that the cause will be something like “a virus he could have taken a vaccine to avoid getting” than “murdered by the government for exposing the horrifying secret that Italian people talk about food, pizza especially, a lot.”