9 Comments

Especially the Nobel Prize winners who decided that it should cost me more to fly somewhere one-way than to take that same flight as part of a round trip.

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....and what's up with airline food, anyway? Amirite?

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This is just another sign of the extinction of a once strong species. Democratus Erectus once roamed the country in great numbers, especially during its heyday of approximately 1939 - 1975. Democratus Erectus was found in healthy numbers throughout the country, but started to fade in the southern portion of the US somewhere around 1965 due to the influx of its natural predator Bigotus Dickwadicus, which severely reduced the species' numbers in those areas.

Over the following years and into current times Democratus Erectus has been further weakened by pollutants that have entered its environment. Large corporations and wealthy interests have bombarded Democratus Erectus with pollutants that attach themselves to members of the species and slowly destroy them or mutate them into a totally unrecognizable sub-species. In fact, currently, you can count the surviving members of the species on two hands and maybe a foot.

Political scientists are working on a number of methods to save the species. One plan that seems hopeful involves mating Elizabeth Warren with Bernie Sanders to create a new race of Super-Democratus Erecti, but this method could take years and result in some pretty bizarre looking offspring. Most scientists agree that the most logical method of saving Democratus Erectus is to simply remove the runoff from major corporations and big business, but this kind of change is always difficult to achieve. It is now fact, however, that if something is not done this once proud species will someday be no more.

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So often the case...

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Time to fire about half the NYPD- it's obvious we don't need them

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Eggzactly, it's about commodifying every possible aspect of your flight experience. Want overhead storage for your carryon? Better pay extra for earlier boarding. Want room for your knees? Better pay for that seating upgrade. Want to get get on and off that plane in under a half hour? Break out the credit card. You can't collect those billions of dollars in fees unless you give people an incentive to pay them by making their experience so miserable that they'll do whatever it takes to get some relief.

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lol, glad someone noticed the gravitar change

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worked for Seamus

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Protip: when you deplane in your real destination, go to the desk and tell the people that you're getting off and won't be using the connecting flight seat. My brother does this and routinely gets travel vouchers good for the cost of the last leg of the flight. Dunno how long it will take before they get wise, so do it now!

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