Federal Workers: Free Marital Aids Because You Deserve Love Not Money

So you've been furloughed. You're probably wandering around the house in a bathrobe, thinking it would be cool to leave the house, but then thinking that you probably should not leave the house because of the whole part where you no longer have money to spend. Well, you have no monies, and therefore cannot go out and meet people you would like to sex, but thanks to some genius marketing at the not-all-that-creatively-named Vibrators.com, (oh, for fuck's sake, of COURSE that link is not safe for work. Do I really need to tell you that?) you can get your solo sexytime on for the low price of free:  

[Malware at Happy; Link blocked for now]