Wonkette

Share this post

Figures. Obama, In Waffle Land, Calls Soccer 'Football.' INPEACH!

www.wonkette.com

Discover more from Wonkette

Wonkette is filthy, hilarious, liberal news. YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Over 15,000 subscribers
Continue reading
Sign in

Figures. Obama, In Waffle Land, Calls Soccer 'Football.' INPEACH!

Doktor Zoom
Jun 5, 2014
Share this post

Figures. Obama, In Waffle Land, Calls Soccer 'Football.' INPEACH!

www.wonkette.com
26
Share

From the Washington Free Beacon comes this shocking revelation:

President Obama referred to the sport of soccer as “football” during a press conference in Brussels on Thursday, raising questions about his commitment to America.

For a publication usually devoted to general wingnuttery, Andrew Stiles's piece is actually a pretty good parody of wingnuttery, and for this, credit must be given. Bravo, Mr. Stiles.

Experts agree that soccer is almost indistinguishable from socialism. The sport does have some positive aspects, such as allowing American hipsters to engage in unironic expressions of patriotism. But at its core, soccer is a profoundly obnoxious enterprise.

The sport’s adherents frequently harass the general population with stories about the time they “lived” (studied abroad) in Europe and attended the “matches” (games) of their favorite “club” (team) and sang special songs as the players ran around on the “pitch” (field) in shiny “kits” (uniforms) and check out this cool scarf I got!

Hearing someone (any American, that is) refer to soccer as “football” is one of the most definitive signs that you should never be friends with that person.

Now, it should be noted that, in the video posted as "evidence" of this alleged "gaffe," Mr. Obama only mentions "football" in response to a question (not included) which obviously was phrased using that strange foreign word.

We must ask: Would our esteemed colleague at the Free Beacon seriously wish for the President to ignite an international con- traw -versy by pointedly insulting the questioner and insisting on saying "soccer" instead? Rather than condemn him for saying "football," can't you at least give the man credit for defending our homegrown sportsball innovations of baseball and baskets-ball against the braggings of British PM Cameron?

There, now we've fulfilled our part of the bargain and lamely attempted to justify the President's scandalous actions, demonstrating our blind allegiance to The One.

[ Washington Free Beacon ]

 Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. For some reason, now he's thinking of the old Loony Toons with the Coyote and the Sheepdog. "Morning, Sam." Morning, Ralph." 

Want to just donate once?

Share this post

Figures. Obama, In Waffle Land, Calls Soccer 'Football.' INPEACH!

www.wonkette.com
26
Share
Previous
Next
26 Comments
Share this discussion

Figures. Obama, In Waffle Land, Calls Soccer 'Football.' INPEACH!

www.wonkette.com
Jared James
Aug 22

Therefore you must sacrifice a virgin lamb to him every year on Saint Michael's Day or he will inundate us all with tsunamis and typhoons.

And for the record, he also looked much better in a grass skirt than Beckham, gender-bending.

Expand full comment
Reply
Share
Olav_Pompatus
Aug 22

My kids played in the local Socialist Football League, but they were never good enough to make the Travel Socialist Football team.

Expand full comment
Reply
Share
24 more comments...
Top
New
Community

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2023 Commie Girl Industries Inc.
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing