Five New Slang Words For Penis: ACHIEVED. Tabs, Thurs., Dec. 11, 2025
It's your morning news roundup!
Hey what’s up good morning it’s tabs!
Okay so at last check before I logged off, the “seized oil tanker” wasn’t just us doing CASUS BELLI at Venezuela, but is a false-flagged tanker under legit sanction. So THAT’S BETTER!!! Christ, thank God for small favors. (AP)
Trump and the affordability hoax and the frequent dementia tests/“cognitive assessments.” By the way, nobody writing about those frequent cognitive assessments seems to have accompanied an elderly parent to one lately: They all say great job no matter how much dementia you did, they don’t sit there and tell you you flunked it. So his self-reported acing, as told to him by the doctors, yeah. Anyway! (Amanda Marcotte at Salon)
Oh, are people mad at the Massachusetts parish that took the Holy Family out of the manger and put in an ICE WAS HERE sign instead? Well, the parishioners aren’t. (Letters From Leo) But the Archdiocese is. (MassLive)
Gosh it LOOKS like ICE might have defamed this young Utah dad, LOOKS like! (KUTV)
It’s GOOD that Rep. Haley Stevens has filed articles of impeachment against RFK Jr! Does that mean you have to vote for her in the Michigan Democratic primary for US Senate? Not at all! (Ars Technica)
What a shame that I didn’t subject myself to Trump’s “Thanksgiving message” in real time, busy as I was eating wonderful food with family and friends and putting final touches on Wonkers’ Black Friday ethical consumer orgy and doing anything else besides that. (Lemkin Institute)
Texas told judges it can opt out of performing gay weddings. So this one judge held a Big Gay Wedding Party. (19th News)
Youngs, I am desperately sorry about your student loans, which just got turned back on again and if you had a SAVE repayment plan, no you don’t. (CNBC)
This guy should for sure not be in charge of FEMA’s Office of Response and Recovery, for sure for sure. (The Handbasket)
They promised there would be some math! What the 13-point swing to Democrats in Tennessee a couple weeks ago would look like writ upon the land. (Heartland Signal) And what about Florida/Georgia/Iowa? Did the Republicans order up a whole slew of dummymanders, where they gerrymander too fine and lose it all? Well … it just could be. (Status Kuo) Wait no wait there’s MORE! Democrats have flipped 21 percent of Republican seats in play in 2025. I have never even heard a thing like that. (Bolts mag)
Chuck C. Johnson — takes a drag off a cigarette, there’s a name I haven’t heard in a long long time — did a RICO and has to pay $40 million and now he is in jail for contempt. Classic Chuck! (Popehat and Josh Barro Serious Trouble podcast transcript, towards the end)
Garrett Bucks always makes me feel … what is it … better. (The White Pages)
Five new slang words for penis, ACHIEVED. (Reddit)
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Powerful creatures, leopards. Even the non face-eating variety. Your hed gif info: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/stealth-mode
And meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/26dd3939-77db-4ae6-8aae-e2687dadb6c9?utm_source=share
Hey, did I mention that I did my first ever MRI yesterday (for real)? Aced it! At least insofar that I was able to sit calmly and not freak out being in a tube. Weak, overrated orange fidget-fingers probably can’t do better.