442 Comments
User's avatar
Beelzebub Griddlecake's avatar

He better not have an axe.

Menotsure's avatar

When spring is just arriving

And pollen's in their noses

Post nasal drip in giraffes

Has a long way to goses.

Whale Chowder's avatar

I'd say that one was a stretch.

Doktor Zoom's avatar

Even giraffes are concerned about youth with gamboling addiction

Menotsure's avatar

You stuck your neck out for that one.

John Thorstensen's avatar

Excellent, Smithers!

Suzie Greenburg's avatar

Amazing zoomies today!

OneYieldRegular's avatar

Whatever race he enters, he wins by a neck.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

"MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!"

ciaobella's avatar

Is this zoomies week at Wonkette?

PuraVida's avatar

Spring Break in Oregon, so yes.

Sojourner Truth's avatar

I like the giraffe at the bottom just a-chewin his cud.

TerseNurse's avatar

now THAT'S a bebe giraffe!

kmblue187's avatar

Springtime is the right time for baby animals!

The Wanderer's avatar

Eugene!

Does he stick his hand in fans for fun?

kmblue187's avatar

Galloping giraffe and mellow mom.

AJ Milne's avatar

Careful with those FRAPs, Eugene.

tehbaddr's avatar

Careful with that neck Eugene?

A Tad Impatient To 86 47's avatar

Mothers everywhere? “Sheesh.”

Shocktreatment's avatar

Eugene is just tearing the ass off it, this morning...

jltympanum's avatar

From the Public Notice article: "... Trump claimed he would have also won the popular vote too [in the 2016election] except that three to five million undocumented people voted against him illegally. And of course, Trump continues to claim that he only lost the 2020 election because of fraud ..."

As usual, DfT is incapable of rational thought. It is just as possible that he won in 2016 because "three to five million undocumented people voted for him illegally", and in 2024 because of fraud.

Beelzebub Griddlecake's avatar

Why is the floor sticky under my desk . . . oh, I stubbed my toe a few minutes earlier, and that's a puddle of blood, not mystery cat fluids. Good morning, me!

Kobayashi Marooned's avatar

Take care of that, you don't want the kitties to have to do cleanup.

Artemus Gordon's avatar

Reading all these good comments is going to distract me from what I wanted to say.

1. I'm of the opinion that the people behind the SAVE act couldn't care less if its designated purpose pans out or not. They know the secret: American voters are always looking for excuses not to vote. Their bet is that more Democratic voters will flake out than Republicans when this is combined with all the other horseshit disenfranchising they do, and I can't say they're wrong to think so.

2. Immunity is used by all levels of government on a daily basis and most Judges won't even think twice about kicking a case out because of it. Doesn't matter if it's a cop issue, it could be the street departments not having crosswalk lights set so people can cross the streets in time or regulations controlling smoke alarms in multi-tenant buildings being ignored.

Doesn't matter, the government (local, state, whatever) just argues "immunity" and most judges just go "okay" (barring a ton of heat from the public). It's Argen Rudd (big bad, from Lethal Weapon 2) levels of "Diplomatic Immunity, hehehe" bullshit.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

Tab within a tab time.

The Smithsonian zine tab about a clever girl doing the clever inventing that removes microplastics from drinking water also has a list of other Smithsonian articles about other clever teens doing good deeds with invention in 2014.

The tab about 18 2014 Google Science Fair participants brought young Eswar Anandapadmanaban to my attention and you might want to check him out too. He invented a technology that replaces invasive probes to monitor a hospital patient's respiration. Young Eswar noticed how uncomfortable and expensive the current tech was in 2014 and invented a replacement that was comfortable and cheap. I wonder whatever became of Eswar and his wonderful invention.

Now please excuse me as I prep to visit my older brother in the hospital today. He has asked me to help him remove the annoying nasal probe which is used to monitor his breathing on previous visits. He complains that it makes sleep difficult. The nurse always tells me to NOT HELP WITH THAT.

I think I will keep the subject of inventive Eswar Anandapadmanaban out of the list of topics to talk about. He's got enough on his plate without that.

Brian McCurdy's avatar

That Google article was invaluable and I'm bookmarking it. Thanks for posting and God bless reference librarians!

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

YES! It has links to other articles about inventive teens trying hard to save the world.

Superhero Teen Titans every single one.

Snarfyguy's avatar

Fix it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICdgH_LDo5Q

Man, it's too early in the morning for this kind of music. (Black Flag)

weejee's avatar

Our oldest grandson is going to skool in Eugene, but he's studying computers not giraffes.

Ellie still in the mix in 26's avatar

Supreme Court might invalidate SOME mail in ballots - but since the short-fingered vulgarian just mailed in his FL ballot, I assume that SOME ballots will continue to be Special and Allowed, no matter what is decided for the hoi polloi.

Thank you for the "Verbatim!" on Google! I didn't know. I've been using Google for 28 years, and I didn't know. So THAT is how I can get it to give me the results like it did 28 years ago.

Tommy Mo's avatar

Re the Law and Chaos piece: My $100 says Sec Rapey McShitfaced and DOD spokes shitheel Kingsley Wilson are making the beast with two backs.

Dina's avatar

The Villarreal tab (SCOTUS link) reminds me of the time back in the Ice Age when, as the editor/primary reporter for our local newspaper, I was doing my bi-weekly coverage of a city council meeting. One of the more cantankerous council members was doing his usual stupid, sweary commentary on something (I don't even remember what it was, this was back in the '90s) and I was in a bit of a tabloid-y mood so I quoted him in the article that went to print. The sweary quote included my own pseudo-redactions, such as "f---" and "f---ing" and hoo-boy, was he mad!

He called the publisher and even came storming into our office, demanding I be fired. "For what? Quoting something you said in a public meeting?" my publisher asked. The guy threatened to drop by the police department and have me arrested because I "defamed" him. My publisher told him to go ahead. Of course, the police chief (who was a good friend of mine) told him to get the fuck out of her face.

At the next meeting, he grumbled something about "I'd like to say something about [whatever it was they were discussing] but that *reporter* over there [glaring at me] will quote everything I say." The mayor responded, "Well, if you can't say it without all the profanity, maybe you 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑𝑛'𝑡 say it." As I wrote up the article after the meeting for publication the following morning, I briefly considered quoting that exchange but decided I didn't need the extra hassle.

Considering what that redneck Minnesotan town is like nowadays, I probably 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 be thrown in jail if I was still pulling shit like that because he lost his reelection bid later that year and blamed me for it. I think it was probably because everyone in town knew he was an asshole.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

My own proud and profane curmudgeon self will point out that I am glad that fucking loser lost his election. He was a fucking stupid shit loser and your community deserved better.

The reason he lost was not you. He lost because he did not fully embrace and display his authentic and real self; the self that used such words and idioms and dared anyone to tell him to stop!

Fuck that guy! When you are ashamed by your own words and how you use them you need to STFU in general.

Dina's avatar

If he were still alive (I think he died about 10 years ago), I guarantee he'd be struttin' around with a MAGA hat and his house would be festooned with traitor flags.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

He died too?

Your story has TWO happy endings!

Bravo!

EDIT- I meant to say "your story has two fucking happy endings!"

Brian McCurdy's avatar

I never had anything that amusing happen to me when I was a local reporter!

They know full well anything they say at a public meeting is fair game. If he wanted to curse, he could have gone into executive session.

Dina's avatar

I had all sorts of fun stuff happen at that job, which is funny because it was for a little local weekly with a circulation of about 3,500. In one instance, I did an article about a couple of people (boyfriend and girlfriend) who were arrested and charged with theft; she worked at a nursing home and they'd steal shit from residents and co-workers. Everything in the article was what the police chief provided me—basically all public information stuff, including their names, ages, etc. Anyway, the guy called the office and threatened to kill me for printing his name. I called my buddy the police chief, and she made sure that the other cops both kept an eye on him while he was out on bail AND patrolled my house to make sure he didn't show up there. It was a little scary for a couple days until he was caught breaking into a convenience store in the middle of the night and that was all I ever heard from him.

RocktonSam's avatar

Gosh darn that guy to heck.

Our Dina is a wonderful person that was just doing her job.

You betcha

Dina's avatar

Lol, I WAS! And if pointing out just what a dickweed he was to more people who didn't know him personally, my job there was done!

Sojourner Truth's avatar

I think even the brain-dead reich wing cuds of the Supreme Court consider "truth" to be an absolute defense to charges of defamation.

------

The guy threatened to drop by the police department and have me arrested because I "defamed" him.

Bruce's avatar

Any case on that that reaches SCROTUS would get at least three votes ruling that truth is NOT an absolute defense against defamation.

Dina's avatar

That would probably depend on who was crying "defamation" because of the truth.

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Sometimes it takes ONE person to call out an asshole for everyone to say it. It's a permission to *openly* dislike the person.

OneYieldRegular's avatar

I don't think there's been nearly enough in the news about the revelation that Viktor Orban's right-hand toady has been running to Putin at every chance to spill the beans on secrets gleaned at European Union meetings.

FukuiSanYesOta's avatar

Comic break with Mitchell and Webb, but also Geoffrey Palmer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGp4DvFEgh8

Ellie still in the mix in 26's avatar

Oops, wrong comment.

Ellie still in the mix in 26's avatar

And Ben Miller...

Palmer was great. Somehow, I missed that one. Thanks!!

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

"my mum goes chippy in her slippers" Google is not helping.

Ellie still in the mix in 26's avatar

It's like how some people "dress" to go to WalMart.

FukuiSanYesOta's avatar

Someone who goes to the chippy (chip shop) in her slippers. A dire, dire thing in classism in Britain.

Now I go down the 7/11 in my flip flops and Boba Fett sweat pants and nobody gives a fuck because this is America, man.

eta: I'm reasonably well-off and nobody knows and nobody cares and this is the best fucking life. Thank you, America, for getting me out of godawful classist Britain.

Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

Someone set off a car alarm on my block yesterday.

He randomly fired a handgun into the air while having a heated phone call.

Never saw that in Norfolk.

OneYieldRegular's avatar

For the last few weeks, we've been hearing this whooping noise from outside somewhere within a few blocks. Sometimes it goes on for more than an hour. I assume it is human, but am not 100% convinced. It started up again this morning at around 4:30, so I got dressed and went out to investigate. It had diminished, which made the direction hard to track. I lost it, then heard it again once when I was nearly back home. At least I think I know the right direction this time - towards the park. So next episode, that's where I'm heading.

Artemus Gordon's avatar

My sister-in-law had a similar complaint and it turned out to be a bobcat(s).

OneYieldRegular's avatar

Funny you say that, as I had a thought it might be a mountain lion. They make very odd noises. About once a year, one makes it up from the Peninsula hills into the city, sometimes all the way to downtown San Francisco.

Lance Thrustwell's avatar

It may be the dreaded Whooping Demon. Proceed with caution.

Hops: grrrr mad's avatar

It might also be Whoopie pies. They're waking up from their long winter hibernation right around now.

30 characters max's avatar

Also, don't confuse them with Fiddleheads like I did last year... not pleasant!

Frank Talk, Action Pundit!'s avatar

"So, the Republican strategy is to hope that people believe the party that doesn’t control the Presidency, Senate, House, or Supreme Court is responsible for government dysfunction?"

https://bsky.app/profile/ronfilipkowski.bsky.social/post/3mhr4tumaic2z

Artemus Gordon's avatar

The past is a predictor, so I'd say obviously they would.

It's rare to hear anyone in the media say it's Republican dysfunction that makes Congress not work right; it's always reported as Congressional dysfunction. So even Democratic voters will "think" yeah, Democrats are a problem too.

Which don't get me wrong, there are some Democrats that are shit at their jobs, but handfuls being bad (Fetterman, Sinema, and Manchin come immediately to mind) are not the same as an entire party structure that derails everything for political gain; regardless of how damaging it might be for the people/Country.

RocktonSam's avatar

KEEP REPEATING LIES

KEEP REPEATING LIES

KEEP REPEATING LIES

Bruce's avatar

WAR IS PEACE

TRUTH IS LIES

HATE IS LOVE

Dammit '1984' was a warning, not a manual!

(Also 'Idiocracy' was satire, not a documentary!)

Lance Thrustwell's avatar

Nah, people aren't that stupid. {begins crying}

Frank Talk, Action Pundit!'s avatar

With Piggy's approval rating at 27%, SOMEone is beginning to pay attention.

Artemus Gordon's avatar

The only thing his people seem to understand is the Epstein Files. If asked about Trump, that's all that any Democrat should say:

"I don't know anything about Trump other than he's in the Epstein Files and he'll do anything and everything to distract you from it. Anyhow, what I need to talk to you about is the Democratic plan for single-payer healthcare for all Americans (or whatever progressive plan)".

Caepan's avatar

Hey, it's worked for Texas for the last thirty or so years!

Rosy red ASS's avatar

They already know that the people who voted for them will believe anything Turnip says...so, yes.

VaselineHabits's avatar

I mean, they'll try but I bring it up anytime anyone complains about everything. AI, Crypto, job losses, gas prices, groceries... it really works for EVERYTHING when those fuckers have been in control for over a year and every single thing is worse.

Rosy red ASS's avatar

Gas here yesterday was $6.09.

Bruce's avatar

My car is a diesel, that has gone from $3.65/gallon to $5.65/gallon since February 27th where I get it.

Even the densest Pakled, errr, 'MAGAt' is starting to dimly understand that it isn't the Dems causing that problem...

Rosy red ASS's avatar

I'm not convinced, given EVERYTHING that Turnip has done to make everything worse since he rode that stupid gold escalator in 2016 and no change in his support. Jan 6th, no change. Dementia, no change. Gas prices, not his fault. It's Biden, Harris, Obama, Clinton, demoncrats. He's the biggest piece of teflon there ever was.

Frank Talk, Action Pundit!'s avatar

Please God let them stick with that strategy.

DogParent's avatar

If they came up with anything else, I would be shocked. As long as I have been alive, Republicans haven't run on much of anything but coddling the rich and finger-pointing: at Democrats (no matter who holds the White House and/or Congressional majority) and "illegal immigrants/welfare cheats" (ahem).

"M"'s avatar

That would be the racism to go along with the greed

OneYieldRegular's avatar

Just thinking of Sunday's Canada story about the national ruckus over that Inuit politician billing the government for ~$1700 for trinkets from her own shop that she used as gifts.

So far dead silence from Republicans (and Democrats, for that matter) about Kristi Noem's grand larceny from the American people.

Sojourner Truth's avatar

The Griftplane has crashed into the chat.