Watch Out, America, There's THUNDERPENIS IN THE HEARTLAND!

Get out of the way, Chicago! Unless you'd like to be in the way!

Forget coronavirus, the National Weather Service (NWS) has a new warning, and it is that America is dangerously in danger of getting a case of the dangerous dicks.

11: 15am CDT #SPC Day1 Outlook https://t.co/GtEvHQ3UxE https://t.co/0ScHEu6Tn6

— NWS SPC (@NWS SPC) 1583684242.0 

That's right, the NWS is actually drawing dicks on maps this time, and it's not Donald Trump adding dicks to the maps with Sharpies. We guess he's too busy saving us all from coronavirus.

Specifically, it appears Chicago and the Lake Michigan coast just north of that was in danger of a dangerous dick this morning, but we haven't seen any Chicago people marking themselves safe on Facebook from the Great Chicago Endickening, so we guess they are fine.

If you go to the link provided you'll see that the dicks are no longer on the forecast map NWS tweeted out yesterday morning. This is because weather is changing all the time, and not because the Trump administration is trying to deny America those dicks. We don't know if the dicks attacked, or if the dicks dissipated, or why the El Paso dick on the map looked like it was peeking out from under Mexico, like Mexico was a blanket or something.

If you want to know why we are using valuable real Wonkette real estate to write about this when there are so many important things happening, it went like this:

EDITRIX REBECCA: Evan, now the National Weather Service is drawing the dicks.

MYSELF: The El Paso dick is weird, it's almost like Mexico is a blanket that is covering the rest of it.

REBECCA: Anyway, write a short post after you take a break, it is the law.

It is the law, to write about it when NWS draws dicks, even though the dicks were actually probably just drawn by the weather and disappeared as quickly as they came. (Haw haw, we said the dicks "came.")

In summary and in conclusion, we are 12 years old, this is the most important news post ever to exist, and this is your OPEN THREAD.

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