Former Minnesota Governor And Human Beater Upper Jesse Ventura Very Sophisticated About The Politics

Somewhere in America, there are people who still think that Jesse Ventura, who was actually elected by the people of Minnesota to act as their governor once, has important contributions to make to The National Discourse. Then again, somewhere in America, there are also people who write  Small Wonder fanfiction. No, we do not want to see a Venn diagram of those groups, thank you. But in case you were wondering (and if you were, what is wrong with you? ), here is what Mr. Ventura is up to these days, according to the intro of this beautifully loopy interview in Salon: he is living off the grid and broadcasting a teevee program of some kind an from an "undisclosed location" somewhere in Mexico's Baja Peninsula. We just hope he's also eatin' barbecued iguana.

So what does Jesse Ventura think about Our Political World? A whole lot of stuff, none of it especially coherent. That alone should keep him popular with some folks, especially if he promises to promote R & D on little-girl robots. Let's enjoy some highlights!

• On free speech and Duck Dynasty: Jesse likes free speech, and doesn't think anyone should ever lose their job because of something they say. He believes that Phil Robertson's comments were stupid, but

  "I don’t begrudge him the stupidity to say it … You certainly don’t want to have some type of language police out there that tell us what we can or can’t say. I’m not for that at all."

  But does that mean he thinks there should be a law that bans companies from firing employees for expressing their political opinions outside of work? "Isn’t there already laws that do that?"

  Kudos to Salon's Josh Eidelson for not giggling, or at least not noting whether he did.

• Unions: Good things, and they protect workers, but also "you can’t let a union destroy a business."

• Taxes: Jesse would get rid of the income tax and make everything fairer by having a national sales tax. When Eidelson notesBureau of Labor Statistics statistics showing that "lower-income families spend much more of their income than wealthier families do," and would therefore actually have a much higher chunk of their resources going to taxes, Ventura isn't impressed, because after all rich people spend a lot and one rate would be fair, because they'd be spending like millionaires, no matter how much more they have left over. We would just like to point out that when Kid Zoom was about seven years old, he recognized that ten dollars out of a $100 grocery budget is a bigger real-life bite than $100 out of a $1000 budget, because "$900 is a lot more left over than 90 dollars." Smart little whelp, wasn't he?

• The government shutdown: it was "despicable," and both parties were equally responsible for not doing their job and keeping the government running. For this one, you probably need the full Q & A to appreciate the sheer depth of derpth:

  What specifically did you want the Democrats to do to prevent the shutdown?

  I wanted both of them to understand that if you did that in the private sector, you’d be fired …

  So therefore all of them deserve to be fired, because they didn’t get the job done.

  So should the Democrats, then, have been willing to make changes to the Affordable Care Act that Republicans were demanding in order to keep the government open?

  No, I don’t care what the -- I can’t tell you what the Democrats should do -- I’m not a Democrat. I can’t tell you what the Republicans should do -- I’m not a Republican.

  I can tell you what they both should do, and that is keep the government running …

  The country comes first, not your political party. They should have done whatever it would have taken to keep the government running.

  How did Minnesota ever let this guy go? Also, We The People are the boss of Congress, not the other way around, and we need to toss them all out so they'll learn that. Of course, they won't be around to share the benefits of that education, but shut up, Mr. Smart Guy.

• Is there anyone he likes in Congress?Sen. Angus King of Maine, because he's an independent. Well then,"What’s he done since being elected to the Senate that you’ve liked?"

  I don’t know. I haven’t kept track. Why would I care?

And that's precisely where we realized needed to refresh our drink and go read Roger Angell's beautiful new essay, because even a Wonkette writer needs a break from the stupid sometimes, The End.

[ Salon / New Yorker ]

 Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He's on a Mexican (whoa-woaa) radio.