Former Pizza Kingpin Does Not Want To Pay For Your Whore Pills

Tom Monaghan, founder of Domino’s Pizza, terrible baseball team owner, and a guy so Catholic that probably even the Pope thinks he needs to give it a rest, is very upset that this Obamacare thing will allow his employees to make their own health care decisions without his input . So, he’s suing. After all, Tom Monaghan knows what’s best. His decisions to let Kirk Gibson and Jack Morris sign elsewhere really paid off for the Tigers back in the late-1980s. His employees clearly need to rely Monaghan's wisdom and judgement when making deeply personal medical decisions with their doctors.

Monaghan offers health insurance that excludes contraception and abortion for employees. The new federal law requires employers to offer insurance including contraception coverage or risk fines.

Monaghan says the law violates his rights, and is asking a judge to strike down the mandate. There are similar lawsuits pending nationwide.

What a fun legal precedent this could set! If the man who fired beloved old baseball announcer Ernie Harwell wins this case, he'll be allowed to impose his moral values on employees through non-monetary compensation. It stands to reason that he could also impose his moral values on his employees through monetary compensation.

Eating meat on Fridays is, like your whore diaphragms and slut pills, “gravely immoral” so you should not be allowed to spend any of your Tom Monaghan paycheck on an end-of-the-week steak. It would violate Tom Monaghan’s rights.

You know what totally doesn’t violate anyone’s rights? The USDA’s “Dairy Management” program. They used your money to help Monaghan’s old company--he still owns the headquarters, Domino's Farms, which is listed as a plaintiff in this lawsuit-- put more cheese on their pizza shingles .

Then help arrived from an organization called Dairy Management. It teamed up with Domino’s to develop a new line of pizzas with 40 percent more cheese, and proceeded to devise and pay for a $12 million marketing campaign.

Consumers devoured the cheesier pizza, and sales soared by double digits. “This partnership is clearly working,” Brandon Solano, the Domino’s vice president for brand innovation, said in a statement to The New York Times.

But as healthy as this pizza has been for Domino’s, one slice contains as much as two-thirds of a day’s maximum recommended amount of saturated fat, which has been linked to heart disease and is high in calories.

Isn't gluttony still kind of a sin? Apparently not. Government-subsidized pizza and its contribution to our national obseity problem are things the Founding Fathers clearly intended. Personal privacy for individuals making health care choices, not so much.

[ WWJ Radio ]