Four Things To Declutter This Weekend! Tabs, Fri., Sept. 29, 2023

Just kidding, you declutter whatever you want. Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador

What it’s like to be a 13-year-old girl. I … don’t remember? I’m lying, of course I do. (I wanted to be a nun, shut up.) (Gift link New York Times)

Speaking of 13-year-old girls, via Samantha Bee, it’s:

Old Handsome Joe Biden aired some ads on Fox during Thursday’s Republican primary debates. (Daily Beast)

Well NOW I’m worth $4 million! — Gift link Washington Post

Huh, the Fifth Circuit’s decision on Tyrant Joe Manhandling the Social Medias is full of basic errors of fact? Well, if it doesn’t matter for the Supreme Court, it doesn’t matter for the worst circuit court in the country. — Knight Columbia

Now that Project Veritas is dead (FOR NOW), what do you say we reboot ACORN! — The New Republic

OMG these Seattleites are the greatest.

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Peter Daou, the former Clinton aide now running Cornel West’s campaign, talked to Isaac Chotiner at the New Yorker, which nobody should ever ever ever do.

Whaaaat, four-time Maxine Waters wrestling heel Omar Navarro had his hands in the campaign cookie jar? Maxine Waters must have brushed by me, because I have just been knocked to the ground! (Justice)

Well, it’s not a happy post, but Lyz (not that Liz) discusses the marriageability gap and why they want us to shrink ourselves for men. — Men Yell at Me

On the most recent occasion of David Brooks not checking his facts, let’s re-enjoy the ultimate takedown of David Brooks Doesn’t Check His Facts, “Boo-Boos in Paradise,” from George W. Bush-era (actually, When Wonkette Was New-era!) 2004 Philly Mag.

I’m off to San Diego to be with my sister who’s been taking care of our dad. With everything that implies.

Old Dad

Young Dad

Dad in peril!

Dad said after that last one, the police arrested him. What have we told you about Do NOT fail to appear???