'Fox & Friends' Jackholes Know Who Will Pick The Next President And It Is Jesus

Deep thinking happening right there.

One of the most comforting things about America is how multiple times every day, the various chicken-brained dickwhistles who work at Fox News will get on the TV and say something amazingly stupid for us to laugh at. This is one of those times.

[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/kirk-camerons-idiot-sister-hates-gays-almost-as-good-as-he-does"></a>[/wonkbar]Dumb Steve Doocy and the new blonde lady on "Fox & Friends," Ainsley Earhardt, were having an important political discussion about voting with DJ Tanner from "Full House," who is known in real life as Candace Cameron Bure from "The View," AKA Kirk Cameron's idiot sister. Because voting is confusing, obviously, so we should ask her opinion.

Firstly, Doocy wants to know what it will take to make all the Republicans love each other again:

BURE: I don't know what it's going to take, I'm not a political expert. But I'm an American and I hold conservative values, and I think at the end of the day, I realize I put my faith in Jesus Christ, not in any one person? And whoever becomes our candidate, our nominee, and eventually our president, I will pray for them and support that they make the best decisions for our country that they can.

See? It is all fine. She will pray for the Lord to touch Donald Trump's heart, maybe next time he's reading his Bible like he always does, or when he's eating the Jesus crackers during communion, and he can Make America Great Again. She will also pray for Ted Cruz, that if he's president, God will help him find all the dildos and cans of soup in America so he can steal them or eat them (or both).

This all set up Ms. Ainsley Earhardt for her amazing question:

EARHARDT: I know your faith is very important to you, as it is to many of us, and many of our viewers. Do you feel like in this election, we just give it to God and God is gonna pick the right candidate ... (?)

BURE: I think it's our duty to still go to the polls ...

Yes, dearies, that was the moment when wingnut Candace Cameron Bure explained that voting is actually what we are supposed to do, for the benefit of the "Fox & Friends" idiot.

But hey maybe Ainsley is on to something! Remember all those problems where people couldn't vote because of closed primaries? All primaries are open if you let Jesus into your heart! Know how sometimes people can't make it to vote because of long lines? Jesus is an invisible ninja savior, which means He gets to skip in line.

Worried you can't make it to your state's fundamentally undemocratic caucus because you have to go to work like a normal person? Jesus don't punch no boss's time clock! Worried about dead people voting for Hillary? UM GUESS WHO ROSE FROM THE DEAD WHICH RENDERS YOUR ARGUMENT INVALID?

The point is maybe Jesus CAN vote in your place so shut up, Kirk Cameron's sister.

[ RawStory ]