Deranged Fox News Hunter Biden Fantasies Gettin' Kinda Weird, Y'all. Yes, Just Now.
The old hate fantasies are getting tweaked and rearranged!
Put aside everything you thought you knew about what Fox News halfwits believe about Hunter Biden. You know, stuff like TWITTER FILES HUNTER BIDEN LAPTOP BIGGUS DONGUS RIGGED ELECTION PEEN HONKER BURISMA CHINA UKRAINE LAPTOP TYRANNO-BONER REX AIYEEEEEEEEEEEE!
All of that is good and normal and full of sane and quanitifiable allegations, full of verbs, about who Hunter Biden is and actions he may have taken. Obviously Joe Biden is guilty by association, because he loves his son. And we are sure the new Republican Congress and House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer will heavy-breathe all over all of it and get to the REAL truth.
But the conspiracy theories are gettin' kinda weird.
Yesterday, Sean Hannity was talking about how Hunter Biden has been naked a bunch of times (read: DICK), and Joe Biden knew about it, and other countries knew about it (translation: BIG WANG-A-LANG), and in the process he made the strangest allegation:
HANNITY: The amount of money, the sheer amount of money, and a number of countries and Joe's outright lie about never having discussed this with Hunter are now coming to light. Now there's going to be pushback because they have now hired, you know, SWAT teams and are creating a war room to slander and smear and attack every single solitary person that either reports it or is investigating it.
Hate it when Joe Biden hires the SWAT team to come after everybody who investigates the creature who lives in Hunter Biden's underpants.
That's, you know, that's Democratic politics 101.
First thing you learn.
That's who they are.
Sounds like 'em.
That's what they do.
That's how they do.
So we have to know this, understand this fully. And, you know, I think it's pretty obvious what's going on.
Oh, totally obvious!
So that was cool.
Also yesterday afternoon Jesse Watters was on his Fox News show, and we cannot emphasize enough how literally every word out of his mouth about Hunter Biden would sound like absolute nonsense to normal people. As in, you visit a mental hospital and this is what you overhear in the playroom.
“New theory just dropped: Is Hunter working for the FBI or CIA? Is that why Trump got impeached?”
— Acyn (@Acyn) 1674778171
Questions, assertions and wild speculations from Jesse Watters in this clip:
Did FBI and CIA work for Joe Biden?
OR DID HUNTER BIDEN WORK FOR FBI AND CIA?
Is Hunter Biden FBI asset?
Does Hunter Biden know he is FBI asset?
Did Hunter Biden give the CIA intel?
Was Hunter "doggy biscuit" to "lure in the Chinese"?
Is China into that sort of thing?
Sorry, that last one was Wonkette's question.
All this "certainly makes sense," says Jesse!
Trump got impeached "the second he started zeroing in on the Biden family corruption in Ukraine," after all!
Also makes sense the intel community covered up THE LAPTOP!
Sweet Jesus, that's a lot.
It's amazing that these people are so stupid they still think the Biden Ukraine conspiracy theories, the ones Trump tried to use to extort Ukraine into helping him steal the 2020 election, are real. Because that's what Jesse Watters is talking about there, Trump wanting Volodymyr Zelenskyy to do him a favor though, and investigate the fever dreams he found in his shart clouds about Hunter Biden in Ukraine. Trump's PERFECT CALL! Trump's RELEASE THE TRANSCRIPT!
There is not much in the world that is stupider than people who are still brainwashed by all that.
Trump's Ukraine 'Transcript' Is Real, And It Is BUGF*CK
But anyway, we guess these aren't really new Hunter Biden conspiracy theories. They're the same old batshit, just rearranged in new ways,.
And again, none of this makes sense to normal people. To normal people, it sounds like somebody spiked these people's protein shakes with paint thinner.
And yet they wonder why the American people tell them to get fucked in just about every election these days.
It is a mystery.
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And once that doesn't exist, I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post!
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Hey Marty,
So now that I’m off my time out, I wanted respond and let you know how way fucking off base you are your appraisal of this comment.
If you had bothered to take a minute to read Evan’s column you might juuusssttt have noticed him repeatedly mentioning the GOP and Hannity’s obsession with Hunter Biden and his nude dick pics. So, in the CONTEXT of that article, the comment that SWAT would mean “Seeking Wang All the Time” was a shot at their obsession with Hunter and his nude photos and not that Hannity is a “homosexual hurr durr.”
I mean I know it was a subtle context clue that was hard to notice, considering it was only repeated OVER AND OVER in the article.
But, hey, not only did you get to give me a time out based on a completely inaccurate interpretation on your part, you also parlayed it into an opportunity to make a presumptuous, high handed comment, without knowing a thing about me or my lifestyle, painting me as a small minded homophone. So I’m sure that was a bonus you really enjoyed.
The time out was…..whatever, people make mistakes sometimes. But your comment was completely unnecessary and ignorant and you are gladly invited by me to go and blow out your ass.
So go ahead and do, or don’t do to me, whenever is coming next. I really don’t care as I was tiring of your simplistic, holier than thou, attitude anyway and looking at other pages, where the writers’ idea of wry wit goes beyond saying “hurr durr”, for my progressive fix.
You’re only going to ultimately be hurting Rebecca, as my significant other and have contributed I few thousand dollars over the last few years and I have some friends who are also donors who have expressed thoughts of stopping largely based on their frustration very uneven behavior standards on here.
At any rate, enjoy lording over your kingdom of “fuckaducks” while it lasts I guess
i'm gonna go out on a limb and say 'alot'