Fox News Jizz-Brains Wish Facebook Was More Fair And Balanced, Like Fox News

SEE THAT FACE? Mark Zuckerberg is about to spit on conservatives and spank Fox News on the bottom!

Have you been following the latest fake wingnut scandal, about how the algorithms and the humans who live inside the Facebook machine sometimes don't show you the most important information about what is going on in America -- obviously BenghaziIRSFastAndFuriousSolyndraGate or whatever Fox News is shitting itself over that day -- and instead fill your news feed with LIB'RUL BIASES?

Yes, well, the Fox News folks are outraged that sometimes the curators 'n' computers at Facebook do not put their Fair And Balanced panties on as good as Fox News does, which means this is a #SCANDAL! We could transcribe this compilation of Fox News bitch sessions RawStory so kindly put together, or we could just give you some hilarious pull quotes and screengrabs of human windsocks looking upset, to give you an overall sense of how butthurt they are:

Reince Priebus and the RNC calling reports of censoring conservatives "chilling" ...

It's one thing to quiet a source, to censor it, but then to draw attention to something else, to make you think that's the most important. So it would be the liberal point of view or whatever, that's really an egregiousness ...

It's kinda scary, because a lot of people DO get their news only from places like Facebook. [...] That's sad!

It's a little scary if you're getting your news from Facebook ... If this is true, it's disgraceful! There's no excuse for it ...

AND NOW WASHINGTON IS LOOKING INTO THIS!

This really strikes at the heart of the credibility of Facebook as a neutral platform ...

There's no question that Mark Zuckerberg is sort of an out-of-the-closet liberal ...

ZUCKERBERG ADMITS IT?! Well shit!

RawStory noted in its headline that Fox News is doing this "without a shred of self-awareness," and we agree, SORT OF. Because we also think Fox News fucking knows it's a hack job operation where people like the dongweasels pictured above showing their OUTRAGE! are paid many moneys to ejaculate Roger Ailes's fart thoughts out their mouth holes, for the benefit of stupid Americans, many of whom only get their news from Fox News, ISN'T THAT SCARY? 

And Washington is looking into it, sort of kind of not really. Is it really a "Washington" investigation when it's simply wingnut jizz wombat Sen. John Thune (R-Dumbass) sending a dumb letter to Facebook, asking Mark Zuckerberg a bunch of questions about how Facebook, a private company, curates what goes into its trending topics? Really?

Slate, make a #SlatePitch that's actually correct:

The Senate inquiry is pure political theater, a delicious opportunity for Republican politicians to fuel conservatives’ media-persecution complex. It is likely to answer few questions and solve fewer still. Yet Facebook brought this on itself by deliberately obscuring the process behind its Trending section and pretending to have a neutrality that its underpaid nonemployees couldn’t possibly earn.

We agree with the first part of that, but we can't even bring ourselves to care about the second part. If you're getting your primary news from Facebook, you're probably an idiot, just like you're an idiot if you get all your news from Fox News (or Slate for that matter LOL).

(Or Salon. )

Moral of story: You should be getting all your news from Wonkette, because obviously, motherfucker.

[ RawStory / Slate ]