Fox News Psychiatrist Keith Ablow Quacksplains: We Elected Obama Because We Are Hijacked Captives, Obviously

Greetings, fellow captives. Have you been asking yourself WHY OH WHY did we elect that awful terrible no good very bad Obama to president us when he is so awful terrible no good very bad and hates guns because of his daddy issues ? Probably not, but just in case, Fox "News" resident quack Dr. Keith Ablow -- who also helped us understand how Newt Gingrich's chronic wife-cheatin' is evidence of his strong moral character and how kids can catch the transsexual through their teevees -- is here to quacksplain it to us :

In a discussion on Fox Business' Varney & Co. about the anniversary of the September 11 terror attack, host Stuart Varney asked Ablow whether America's psyche had changed in the twelve years after the attack. Ablow responded that America suffers from a "captive mentality" like Stockholm Syndrome. As evidence, Ablow pointed to the election of Obama, who he claimed "doesn't even like us, he hates us," concluding that "when things get bad enough," America "will elect a patriot[.]"

Ah, yes, very insightful, doctor. We elected Obama because he hates us. No, wait, that does not make sense. Perhaps a few more analogies would help?

Because I think what it set in motion is a kind of captive mentality. The same kind of thing that happens when a plane is hijacked and people aboard say "You know what? I am starting to think like the people who took this plane over."

Ohhhh, okay. Obama hijacked America after we elected him, and now we are starting to like him. No, wait, that still does not make sense. Try again?

And I think that the whole Obama apology tour, the election of Barack Obama was a manifestation of us wanting to say, "Look, we are not that bad, don't hurt us. Here is this guy, how bad can we be? He doesn't even like us, he hates us and we are electing him president."

Nope, that still does not make sense. Maybe another analogy?

Bad enough that, just like an alcoholic falling on the pavement, you say, "You know what, oh my God, this didn't work. Trying to dodge and weave around who we are and pretend we're other than that by electing someone friendly to adversaries is not working, hence we will elect a patriot, someone very high on the Constitution and someone who isn't afraid to use power when it's indicated." And then we'll set things right.

So now we are all the adult children of an alcoholic hijacker? And if we see Daddy fall down drunk enough times, we will decide to elect a constitutional junkie to save us and use his powers for good, instead of for stuff like expanding health care coverage and advocating equal rights and evil hijacky stuff like that?

We haz such a confuse now, but that is normal, maybe, because of the syndrome we are suffering? Oh, we don't even know. We will just go sit in the corner and read that book Ablow wrote with Glenn Beck and paint our toes and hope it does not turn us transgendered and wait for Rand Paul to save us.

[ Media Matters ]