Franklin Graham Says God Is Biggest 'Wire Tapp' Of Them All

God is eavesdropping like crazy.

Franklin Graham, man of God and son of Billy Graham, is very upset about the release of tapes in which Donald Trump talks about paying off Playboy model Karen McDougal to shut up about the extramarital affair he had with her. Not because, you know, adultery goes against one of those commandment thingities, but because people in the media are acting like it is some kind of big deal.

In a brief Twitter rant, Graham explained that while people may think that mayyyyybe the president said certain things on the tape, God is listening in on all of their conversations about paying off Playboy models. So there?

Everyone in the media is talking about the just-released tape & what the President said or didn’t say, what he mean… https: //t.co/qFBaXqu5oV

— Franklin Graham (@Franklin Graham) 1532534534.0 

Here’s a sober warning from God’s Word, “What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, & what you h… https: //t.co/zNG8L8xxnF

— Franklin Graham (@Franklin Graham) 1532534631.0 

The Bible says it is appointed unto man once to die & then the judgment. We won’t be judged by media spin masters o… https: //t.co/POkenttkIF

— Franklin Graham (@Franklin Graham) 1532534745.0 

You know what, my dude? I have not! Mostly because I don't believe in God. But even if I did, it would be super weird of her to be like "Oh, how dare you judge poor Donald Trump for his conversations about paying off Playboy models to not talk, when you are sitting around talking about what to do with the quart of lime juice you bought by accident, and how you are going for a Kate Bush thing with your hair these days! Not to mention the fact that you keep getting that awful Blues Traveler song stuck in your head all the time? Sinner!"

This is, of course, not terribly unusual for Graham, who also claimed that those denouncing Roy Moore had done much worse things than he had.

The hypocrisy of Washington has no bounds. So many denouncing Roy Moore when they are guilty of doing much worse th… https: //t.co/Wv4Cb5V1t8

— Franklin Graham (@Franklin Graham) 1510946576.0 

Most people are not perfect, this is true! But also most people also don't get kicked out of malls for hitting on underage girls or pay off Playboy models to keep quiet about their adultery. Frankly, I feel pretty OK about judging people who do that. It doesn't make me a hypocrite, because I don't do those things. Quite frankly, I also wouldn't care who Trump was boning (outside of pity for that particular person) were it not a whole weird coverup thing meant to suppress information that could have been damaging to his campaign.

Despite his moral relativism where Trump and Moore are concerned, Franklin Graham apparently feels good about judging gay people for, um, existing.

Via The Charlotte Observer:  

The younger Graham said his comments criticizing gays and lesbians and others "living in sin" do spring from love.

"I love people enough and care enough," Graham said, "to warn them that if they chose to continue to live in sin, God is going to judge them one day and they'll be separated from him for eternity in hell."

From his very own Facebook page, in 2015:

There is also sin involving the misuse of sex. God created sex and gave it to us to enjoy, but tells us in His Holy Word that it is to be reserved for a marriage relationship between a man and a woman.Any kind of sexual activity or sexual relationship outside of that is sin.The world would like to redefine marriage and other boundaries for sex, but it's not up to us to define. Almighty God, the Creator, set the standard at the beginning of time. The enemies of God would like for you to be deceived, but God wants the best for your life; He wants us to know the truth. God wants all of us to be with Him in heaven in eternity—but our sins block the way.

He even cares so much about other people's business that he suggested that his followers take a bullet in order to prevent trans people from using the bathroom.

So let's get this straight. It is bad to judge Donald Trump for having an extramarital affair and then paying the woman off, or to judge Roy Moore for trying to sex up little girls, but it is A-OK to judge gay people for wanting to get married? Or trans people for wanting to... go to the bathroom? Is that how this works? Does Franklin Graham have a crib sheet straight from God detailing who is and isn't allowed to do sexual activity outside of marriage? It is so very hard to keep all of this straight. Almost enough to make you wonder who the hypocrites around here really are.

[ Twitter ]

Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you! Click here to tip us!