Free Speech Hero Wins Victory Ensuring You Can Always Talk About Howard Stern's Penis On Television
Sure, all you ladies are boo-hoo-hooing over the fact that you can't have birth control any more, but all is not lost. Monday also brought us a historic ruling that ensures that, at least in New York, you are free to bellow about Howard Stern's penis on television all you want. And isn't that what really counts?
OK, so apparently this is A Thing that happens with some regularity, and by that we mean that there appears to be one person who makes it his life's work to disrupt live teevee news fluff pieces by shouting about Howard Stern's nether regions, which is probably better than anything we do with our time, come to think of it.
Joseph Bassolino [aka Joey Boots] spotted a WABC news van and knew that a reporter was about to go live from Union Square in New York City. His goal was to pull off a perfectly-timed “Booey Bomb,” which is the childish tradition of jumping behind a reporter and shouting, “Baba Booey! Howard Stern’s penis!” in honor of both Stern and Gary Dell’Abate. Sure enough, Joey Boots made the 4 PM report and nobody from WABC was pleased about it, especially the reporter on the scene who tried to have him arrested.
Boots knew his rights, though, and the cops couldn’t arrest him. But as he recorded and eventually posted to his YouTube account, the cops were waiting for him when the 5 PM report was filming, and as he shouted, “Baba Booey!” he was grabbed by some officers and ticketed for disorderly conduct.
We'd like to think that New York City cops have better things to do than arrest people yelling about Stern Peen, but, to be fair, we'd also like to think that anyone has something better to do than yell about Stern Peen in the first place.
Bassolino refused to pay his citation and got not one, not two, but three lawyers to represent him in fighting the disorderly conduct rap. The judge agreed with him, calling his action inappropriate but not illegal, which is pretty much exactly right. While we would not like someone to come around and yell about penises behind our back while we work, it isn't actually a dangerous disruption or anything.
Haha, who are we kidding? We blog for a living. Pretty much our entire life is someone running around yelling about penises, be it literally or metaphorically, so this decision is pretty much our goddamn Sullivan v. New York Times. All this penis-related freedom tastes so good.
It's reassuring to know we have our national priorities in order.
Mr. Jefferson: Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world. He has refused his Assent to Speak of Stern Peeners in Public....
Mr. Adams: For the love of all that is holy Mr. Jefferson, can we please get back to the business of passing the Declaration!
/FFS