Friendship Tips From Ancient Rome

A review of 'How to Be a Friend' by Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Young Cicero Reading” by Vincenzo Foppa (c. 1427–1430 – c. 1515–1516)

“The reward of friendship is friendship itself.” Thus spake Marcus Tullius Cicero (January 3, 106 BCE — December 7, 43 BCE). This ancient Roman lawyer, philosopher, and politician wasn’t talking about the kind of “friend” you tolerate because you have to see them every weekday morning at school dropoff, or because you went to nursery school together and now you’re 38 and stuck on a terrible group chat with this fuckin’ asshole you’re too timid to abjure because your cantankerous elderly moms are still friends. In How to Be a Friend: An Ancient Guide to True Friendship, translated and introduced by Philip Freeman, Cicero wants to celebrate genuine friendly love.

Our man Cicero left behind a voluminous record of correspondence, much of it with his buddy Atticus. And while Dante stuck his ass in limbo in The Divine Comedy, it’s fair to say that regardless of his perceived personal or professional flaws, he managed to make a lovely contribution to world literature with the stories collected in De Amicitia (On Friendship). Freeman’s translation is a very accessible updated version.

Framed as a dialogue for that good ol’ time classic literary feel, Cicero dives into conflict and repair, deep friendship versus mere socially convenient ties, and the beautiful fondness of one bro for another. The book is marvelously soothing, which is nice, considering the author eventually had his fucking head and hands chopped off by Marc Antony aka Elizabeth Taylor’s moody boyfriend.

Cicero poses a scenario thusly: “Suppose a god carried you far away to a place where you were granted an abundance of every material good nature could wish for, but denied the possibility of ever seeing a human being. Wouldn’t you have to be as hard as iron to endure that sort of life? Wouldn’t you, utterly alone, lose every capacity for joy and pleasure?”

I don’t know about alla youse, but I’d be down for that for exactly two days. After that, depression would set in and I’d probably die from an overdose of whatever perfect chocolate existed in that theoretical lonely paradise.

Okay, music break! Let’s enjoy a few beautiful songs about friendship. I am not sure which one would’ve been Cicero’s favorite, but this is the kind of thing I absolutely will sit in the bathtub and think about for a full half hour.

Actually, upon reflection, I think Cicero would’ve liked Dionne and Stevie the most, with Saweetie and Doja Cat a very close second.

If you need a gift for an actual, lovely, loving, cool, loyal, fun friend, I think this book is a delightful one. When you buy through THIS LINK, Wonkette gets a sexy lil’ kickback. Ooh, don’t it feel good?!