Lyle Jeffs, the brother of notorious child-raping Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints cult leader Warren Jeffs, has been on the lam since June after using a "substance like olive oil" to slip off his GPS monitoring bracelet and escape house confinement.
Even if Gawd, or whomever, doesn't allow the sister-wives to cut their hair, why does everyone have the same 'do? Does that little dip on the top mean something? Have these wimmins never heard of a pony tail? Maybe they don't want the guy to have anything to hang on to? Or how about flowing locks like Sister Ann Coulter, pictured above. Enquiring minds want to know.
Humm. I wonder if I can arrange to be "raptured" just before that PNW drinky thing in a couple of weeks? I mean, sure, I'm not religious, or anything, but let's face it, if there is a god, he probably wants to meet me and tell me how awesome my jokes are.
For those who haven't been Behind The ZIon Curtain (Utah), lots of hot-shot Mormons carry a vial of olive oil in case they need to give a blessing. You schmear some on the blessee's head, lay your presumably not tiny hands thereupon, invoke Jeebus, and voila! All fixed up. Mormon Utah is rife with tales of people having heart attacks, bitten by snakes, falling off roofs, whatever, and being cured by a blessing from the Elders (like Lyle Jeffs up there). But wait! Lyle isn't a real Mormon, you might say. Sorry, buckos, he's more of a real Mormon than the Rich Old Man's Politburo in the Tower of Power on North Temple in Salt Lake (the LDS church HQ). The corporate Mo's sold out to become a state but all of the things Jeffs preaches are still in their scriptures and will be done once they Hie! to Kolob.
I stopped at the Costco in St. George, Utah (southern Utah, not far from where these guys live) to get gas, and up pulls a big, really fancy, I mean premium edition of a Suburban; special paint, gold hubcaps; it must have been $70,000 if it was a penny. And out steps one of those women with the hair and the long blue dress. Welfare fraud is a good gig if you can get it!
We would all love for you to be there, but even though we are expecting some pretty wonderful beings, it can't be said that Evangelical-Christian-God is one of them. Hell, he can't be bothered with his own followers.
Can't say that I blame him. I mean, have you met any of them? If they aren't self-righteous, they're just using the whole religion thing as a "Get Out of Hell Free" card. Or else they are just simpering sycophants, constantly asking for favors and who wants to deal with that? Much less the creator of all things? ...Well, maybe on the day his daughter was getting married, sure. But, god is no loser. He didn't have any daughters.
You know what , i like your question so much i googled it. And found out something really gross. It is so gross i am compelled to share it with you:'They also never cut their hair because, according to their teachings, they will need it in heaven to wash men's feet as an anointing."OH, and also this:"The women's hair swept up over their foreheads relates to their spirituality. "It looks like a goose thing on top of their heads, the higher they can get that, the more righteous they are, so that's a trademark for them. They really are proud of that,"
Not the COW?! NOT THE COW?! ANYTHING BUT THE COW?!?!!!
One of my favorite films. "Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown," is something that explains a lot.
Even if Gawd, or whomever, doesn't allow the sister-wives to cut their hair, why does everyone have the same 'do? Does that little dip on the top mean something? Have these wimmins never heard of a pony tail? Maybe they don't want the guy to have anything to hang on to? Or how about flowing locks like Sister Ann Coulter, pictured above. Enquiring minds want to know.
Humm. I wonder if I can arrange to be "raptured" just before that PNW drinky thing in a couple of weeks? I mean, sure, I'm not religious, or anything, but let's face it, if there is a god, he probably wants to meet me and tell me how awesome my jokes are.
For those who haven't been Behind The ZIon Curtain (Utah), lots of hot-shot Mormons carry a vial of olive oil in case they need to give a blessing. You schmear some on the blessee's head, lay your presumably not tiny hands thereupon, invoke Jeebus, and voila! All fixed up. Mormon Utah is rife with tales of people having heart attacks, bitten by snakes, falling off roofs, whatever, and being cured by a blessing from the Elders (like Lyle Jeffs up there). But wait! Lyle isn't a real Mormon, you might say. Sorry, buckos, he's more of a real Mormon than the Rich Old Man's Politburo in the Tower of Power on North Temple in Salt Lake (the LDS church HQ). The corporate Mo's sold out to become a state but all of the things Jeffs preaches are still in their scriptures and will be done once they Hie! to Kolob.
I stopped at the Costco in St. George, Utah (southern Utah, not far from where these guys live) to get gas, and up pulls a big, really fancy, I mean premium edition of a Suburban; special paint, gold hubcaps; it must have been $70,000 if it was a penny. And out steps one of those women with the hair and the long blue dress. Welfare fraud is a good gig if you can get it!
That's why his brother Warren is doing life + 20 in a Texas prison. His last "sister-wife" before they caught him was 12 years old.
We would all love for you to be there, but even though we are expecting some pretty wonderful beings, it can't be said that Evangelical-Christian-God is one of them. Hell, he can't be bothered with his own followers.
Ha ha, I know Trent! What a character! Look up "The Beaver Trilogy" sometime.
If you like Utah cult films, look up The Great Brine Shrimp.
Can't say that I blame him. I mean, have you met any of them? If they aren't self-righteous, they're just using the whole religion thing as a "Get Out of Hell Free" card. Or else they are just simpering sycophants, constantly asking for favors and who wants to deal with that? Much less the creator of all things? ...Well, maybe on the day his daughter was getting married, sure. But, god is no loser. He didn't have any daughters.
You know what , i like your question so much i googled it. And found out something really gross. It is so gross i am compelled to share it with you:'They also never cut their hair because, according to their teachings, they will need it in heaven to wash men's feet as an anointing."OH, and also this:"The women's hair swept up over their foreheads relates to their spirituality. "It looks like a goose thing on top of their heads, the higher they can get that, the more righteous they are, so that's a trademark for them. They really are proud of that,"
Wait ... did you say "olive oil?"
http://dailypicksandflicks....
I hope he gets landed on Jupiter -- that'll fix him.
Jeffs may have used the Express Option ...
http://api.ning.com/files/e...
https://raincoaster.files.w...