Führer Trump Invading DC Now, New Dictatorship Level Unlocked!
Time to crack some heads!
Maybe to distract from the Epstein files that he is not releasing, or how he’s planning to fly to Alaska on Friday to kiss Putin’s pucker, or how tariffs are sending prices of The Groceries through the roof, today Donald Trump went and did what he threatened to do last week after Big Balls got beat up by a couple of 15-year-olds. He announced a federal takeover of the DC police, and National Guard troops to patrol the city’s streets. It was a press conference that was a bold cavalcade of lies, even for him.
LAST WEEK!
Watch him and his lineup of clowns, if you want.
If you don’t want to watch, first he natters about his ballroom, his beautiful ballroom, then he gets to how right outside the door in the streets of DC is “bloodshed, bedlam, squalor and WORSE.”
“We’re going to take our capital back. We're taking it back. Under the authorities vested in me as the president of the United States, I'm officially invoking section 740 of the District of Columbia Home Rule Act. You know what that is? And placing the DC Metropolitan Police Department under direct federal control.”
Section 740 gives the President of the United States the authority to commandeer the DC Police Department in “conditions of an emergency nature.” But it has never been invoked before. What are those emergency conditions, the likes of which America has never seen?
“The number of car thefts has doubled over the past five years. And the number of carjackings has more than tripled. Murders in 2023 reached the highest rate.”
This is a shameless lie, the violent crime rate in DC is at an all-time low, and carjackings are down 50 percent from the same time last year. In fact, a press release from Pam Bondi’s own DOJ breaks it down:
In addition to the overall violent crime reduction, homicides are down 32%; robberies are down 39%; armed carjackings are down 53%; assaults with a dangerous weapon are down 27% when compared with 2023 levels, with the District reporting the fewest assaults with dangerous weapons and burglaries in over 30 years.
And, he’s going to get the Park Service to tear up all those tents that offended his eye yesterday. Real Brazilian favela-cleansing energy.
“We have slums here. We're getting rid of them. I know it's not politically correct. You'll say, ‘Oh, so terrible.’ No, we're getting rid of the slums where they live.”
He’s going to give them places to stay? Wonder where that will be.
And the DC Police, now to be under the control of the current head of the DEA, Terry Cole, working under Attorney General Pam Bondi, are looking forward to beating the shit out of some people, too.
“See, they fight back until you knock the hell out of them because it's the only language they understand. But they fought back against law enforcement last night. And uh, they're not going to be fighting back long because I've instructed them and [...] now they are allowed to do whatever the hell they want.”
Great.
And not only that! He’s sending in 800 National Guard troops. Remember when he said he didn’t have the power to activate the National Guard on January 6? Ha ha, Trump voters, DON’T TREAD ON ME sure turned to TREAD HARDER DADDY right quick!
Five-hundred agents from the FBI, ATF, DEA, Park Police, the US Marshal Service, the Secret Service, and the Department of Homeland Security will also be on patrol. Plus, ICE and the Border Patrol are going to be there, to catch all the immigrants. And Trump is going to repave all the roads and fill in all the potholes. And then Judge Jeanine Pirro, now the US Attorney for DC (shudder), is going to pick MAGA judges for the bench, and then Barron Trump is going to marry Sydney Sweeney and they’re going to make a lot of white babies!
But hold up, that is a whole lot of fucking people on the streets of DC, which is not spread out like Los Angeles is. And a whole lot of federal agents hoofing around on foot patrol instead of investigating, like, major crimes. And indeed, the federales had already hit the streets on Sunday night, reports NPR:
Groups of uniformed agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Drug Enforcement Administration and other agencies could be seen strolling streets in small groups.
At one intersection, a minor traffic accident between a car and a moped brought at least two dozen agents running, some wearing masks and one carrying a rifle. Local D.C. Metropolitan police were also on scene.
More than 24 armed people responding to a fender-bender, what a clusterfuck!
And look at these DEA turds gallumphing on the mall:
Just like a stroll down the streets of old Beirut.
Also, there is a new youth curfew in a zone around the Navy Yard, prohibiting anyone under 18 from being on the street after 8 p.m. without a parent, temporarily but indefinitely. Are you 17 and want to go buy gum at the bodega? STRAIGHT TO JAIL.
Legally, Trump can only occupy the city for 30 days, if laws even matter any more. And as it happens, also today a three-day bench trial began in California to determine if the administration violated federal law when it federalized and deployed members of the California National Guard and Marines to Los Angeles starting on June 7, over the objections of the governor and mayor. The administration already lost, but has been allowed to keep the troops on the streets while they appealed. So, 250 National Guard members are still there, mostly standing around federal buildings getting booed at. Great for morale!
Here is hoping the judge smacks the regime down again, and then maybe the Supreme Court’s six wingnuts will pause for second thoughts about really wanting a military dictatorship with all the trimmings, once fatass military vehicles are hogging the roads on their commutes to Virginia. Because Trump sure wants to go further, of course, like he always has, and take over more “really bad” cities. Maybe even one near YOU. And then half of the country can get jobs spying on the other half, just like in old East Germany!
Who would have thought the beatup of Big Balls would be their Reichstag fire? If it was fiction, no one would believe it.
OPEN THREAD.
[NPR]
A picture of Bear is definitely needed now. https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-144350648?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc
I have been in Cleveland 2 months. While it seems much longer it also still seems like I just got here. I did not anticipate how humid Cleveland would be. Yes, Cleveland does indeed ROCK, it also sweats, a lot. We have had one week of nice weather the time I've been here. I am so looking forward to Autumn. With it being so sticky hot most of the time I haven't been able to get out and explore.