15 Comments
User's avatar
bobbert's avatar

I have spent a modest fraction (like 0.0001%) of my life explaining to people what a "Dachs" is, and what full-size Dachshunds were bred for. I've never seen one at work. I assume they rely on quickness, like mongooses -- I mean, have you ever seen a fucking badger? I wouldn't go up against a badger with anything less than gelignite. I'd prefer an artillery strike.

And they're such sweet doggies, as long as you are not a badger.

Joshua Norton's avatar

<i>“prior to that evening, the officers believed the bushes” were too thick to pass through.</i>

There’s a way this could be more pathetic but it’s not coming immediately to mind.

Spotts1701, Taking Bible Guns's avatar

And demand better work, but not a plugged nickel in extra money to pay for it.

Spotts1701, Taking Bible Guns's avatar

Maybe they should hire the guy that New Pope just sacked.

Rabbit_Rebozo's avatar

They weighed that against the other suggestion of 'hire more Columbian prostitutes.'

Rabbit_Rebozo's avatar

Funny, hedgerows worked for the Germans in Normandy...

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

"We thought the banana peels we put out would be slipperier. It is unclear if the anvil would have performed properly, since the intruder didn't even try the birdseed"

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

"Other Easily Penetrable Bushes"

Joshua Norton's avatar

It's been 5 minutes and I'm still laughing at this! I keep getting a mental picture of the "Acme Seekrit Service Supply Catalog".

It's fuck all y'all* season's avatar

As a dachshund owner, I'm fully supportive of swapping out SS agents and replacing them with these four fine quadrupeds. I guarantee that no intruders will make it even close to the house without being thoroughly barked and ankle-bitten.

bobbert's avatar

"Improve the President's security by DOING YOUR FUCKING JOBS".

Oh. sorry.

bobbert's avatar

Isn't the shrubbery more like a bribe?

bobbert's avatar

Of course they're going to have another investigatory panel,

They're Republicans in the majority.

bobbert's avatar

Barberry, you say? How is it with deer? Actually, I can look that up, never mind.