George Washington, Scary Eyeliner Jesus Want You To Save Country

According to Wonkette operative "Stan J.," this horrifying billboard is gracing the skies of Spokane, Washington. There are just so many catchphrases here! Of course the best and most important one is "Constitution means freedom," a definition from a sign creator who obviously does not own a dictionary. But why are these seemingly unrelated things arranged in such a way? IT'S A SECRET MESSAGE, one that can be decoded by those weird Hebrew rainbow bracelets from a couple weeks back.

Remember this image?

See, there is supposed to be a sign in the clouds, and here it is. And by rainbow, they mean George Washington's gay face. Why else would that scary goth Jesus be there taunting us with his wispy Shakespeare facial hair? He is letting us know that he is right next to the rainbow.

THIS IS A SIGN THAT GOD WANTS US TO ELECT ZOMBIE PRESIDENT GEORGE WASHINGTON TO A THIRD TERM IN OFFICE. As all Teabaggers know, that guy was really good at paying down trillions of dollars of accumulated national debt during a recession. Give the country back to the founders and their Teabag friends! Or else!