George Will Wishes Government Would Just Leave Rapists Alone Already, Sheesh

• You know who is The Worst? (For right now, anyway; as we type, some wingnut doucheweasel is trying his or her most bestest to win that coveted title.) George Will. George "Oh, I amsodroll" Will. And he is really hung up on "rape" "victims" and how they get all kinds of special treatment and how the government just won't stop sticking its big wasteful meddling government nose in the epidemic of campus rape, where the government most certainly does NOT belong.Here's Will onFox News Sunday, whining yet again about how government should just stay out of everything:

  You asked, can we trust the government to do its job? What isn't its job nowadays? I just made a list of it. It's fine-tuning the curriculum of our students K through 12. It's monitoring sex on campuses. It's deciding how much ethanol we should put in our gas tanks. It has designed our light bulbs and it's worried sick over the name of the Washington football team.

  Now, this is a government that doesn't know when to stop.

  "Monitoring sex on campus." That's Willspeak for investigating the epidemic of negligence by colleges across the country to do a damned thing at all about sexual assault. You can go read the whole transcript if you need context to understand how in the bejesus Will goes from talking about Ebola to how the government is terrible at doing anything so it should just stay out of everything -- including rape.

  P.S. George, you bow-tied prick: If you want to complain about the government monitoring sex, you might want to check out the Republican Party's strict policies on who can do what in the bedroom and how and whether they'll burn in everlasting hell if they do it some other way. You'll be shocked and amazed.

• RIP, Saturday morning cartoons:  

  Yes, The CW, the final holdout in Saturday morning animation, ran its last batch of Vortexx cartoons last weekend. This week, where you once saw shows like Cubix, Sonic X, Dragon Ball Z and Kai, Digimon Fusion, and Yu-Gi-Oh!, you'll instead find "One Magnificent Morning," a block of live-action educational programming.

  It's the end of an era, but it's been a long time coming: NBC ditched Saturday morning cartoons in 1992, CBS followed suit not long after, and ABC lost its animated weekend mornings in 2004. The CW, a lower-tier broadcast network, was the last holdout in a game that the Big 3 left long ago.

  What killed Saturday morning cartoons? Cable, streaming, and the FCC.

• The cheetah population is declining, and it's probably our fault:  

  New research suggests human activity forces cheetahs to expend more energy, and is the ultimate cause of their population decline.

  Cheetahs are down from a population of 100,000 a century ago to 10,000 today, in the past their disappearance has largely been blamed on large predators monopolizing their food sources, Queen's University Belfast reported. [...]

  The large cats can even withstand predators such as hyenas stealing their prey. Human activity, such as erecting fences that keep over-hunted prey contained, are believed to be forcing the cheetahs to use up more energy by searching for prey.

  Good thing we're building robot cheetahs to replace them, right?

• The Duggar family, of10 Trillion Kids & We Aren't Done Yetfame, is really serious about stopping the Holocaust:

  The Duggar’s — conservative Christian reality TV stars — held a press conference on Monday to express their support for a ballot initiative in Tennessee that would give state lawmakers the power to enact greater restrictions on abortion.

  “We have the responsibility under almighty God to protect innocent lives that cannot yet speak for themselves,” said Michelle Duggar, according to the Times Free Press. “If we don’t speak up and do something to stop this holocaust, the blood of these little ones will be on our hands.”

  This is -- coincidentally, we are sure -- at the same time that Jessa Duggar (she's one of the girl ones) recently shared Lessons What She Learned from her field trip to the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C., where she somehow concluded that Charles Darwin created the Holocaust, which led to abortion, something something, SAVE THE BABIES!!!

  We sure enjoy the political insights of the Duggar family. We're just wondering when one of them will step up to save America and run for office. We are SOOO #ReadyForDuggars.

• Speaking of politics and fantasy, if you enjoyedThe West Wing, you can now spend the rest of your life reading all the words about it:

  Empire gathers all the main players to relive the drama of one of TV's most influential, beloved and important shows.

  And apparently, you get to relive it in real time. For seven years. It's that long. Enjoy!

• We just found this on the interwebs, and these pictures will blow your freakin' mind:

  Just when you think you’ve got a handle on the weird things found in nature, another crazy discovery is made. Did you know there’s a river on the ocean floor? Neither did I.

  Neither did we! But apparently this is a thing that happens, and you must go look at the pictures RIGHT NOW because A. Maz. Ing.