Get A Grip. Tabs, Fri., July 24, 2026
No, we mean it.
Morning!
FIRST OFF! You’re going to want to hit The Moral High Ground today, because I went absolutely apeshit on that new interview with creepy Hegseth pastor Doug Wilson, and the circumstances under which he, in his perfect Christian theocracy, would like to execute gays. Ape. Shit. You’d better subscribe while you’re there too, there are a good several thousand Wonkette subscribers who haven’t! [The Moral High Ground]
SECONDLY, REMIND! Today I will be doing one of them Substack Live thingies with Jonathan Larsen, AKA your pal who does The Fucking News. It’ll be at 12:00 noon ET at this link, but to make sure you get the reminder/notification when it’s gonna happen, best to go ahead and subscribe to The Moral High Ground, like I just damn said.
Now más tabs:
Weird, Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth keep finding ways to reduce the bodycount of American people they’ve killed or maimed with their goddamned pointless loser war. [New York Times]
The right-wing MAGA terrorist who murdered Minnesota Democrats Mark and Melissa Hortman will be in prison for the rest of his life. He still won’t make Marco Rubio’s list of terrorists. [AP]
Class, is it corrupt that Trump’s Truth Social is selling extra-super-duper-secret early access to Trump’s posts, so they can do insider trading faster than everybody else? [Wall Street Journal]
Colorado Gov. Jared Polis is now babbling on fucking Newsmax about “What is socialism?”
Prediction: some absolute loser like Polis or John Fetterman or Haley Stevens, or some combo like that, is going to try to run on an independent ticket in 2028, after Democratic primary voters fully tell them to fuck off. And if that’s why the US is allowed to fully descend the rest of the way into fascism after that election, if that’s what gets JD Vance crowned dictator with Peter Thiel’s arm up his ass, hoooo fuckin’ boy. Really hope we’re wrong.
Related, but The Bulwark, really, we love you, but then you go publish garbage like this:
Get. A. Grip. And. Read. The. Fucking. Room.
Piggy wiggy wiggy wiggy wiggy wiggy wiggy pigfuck Tommy Tuberville g’wine put Zohran Mamdani IN GITMO for even suggestin’ he might want to arrest genocidal war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu! IN GITMO WIT’ YA! GO ON! GIIIIIIIIT! Stupdiest senator in world history card renewed. [Rolling Stone]
Hahahaha, that didn’t last long, history’s least competent Justice Department strikes again, we guess:
A Massachusetts J6 rioter who punched a cop, and who was a medical doctor, is not a medical doctor anymore, because fuck around and find out, fuckin’ asshole. We hope she never knows another day of career success. And wow, what a pointless reason to squander all that. [NBC News]
Fully 65 percent of Americans think Donald Trump’s trashy, ugly mobile home-quality DC renovations/additions are total fucking garbage. Only 12 percent are “enthusiastic.” Gonna be fun to tear every bit of it down one day and let immigrants sell it for parts on Facebook Marketplace. [Washington Post]
INFO FOR MOVIE NIGHT: This week we are watching Jurassic Park in honor of Sam Neill, available for free on OKRU; $3.99 in the usual places.
Ever heard of this guy? Well now you have.
More stories when we write them, see you all on the livestream thingie at noon! Go ahead and click below to subscribe to TMHG to make sure you get your invite if you already forgot!
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I know you all love Jimothy, so I animated him: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/jimothy
And your Friday meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/65919365-3fa8-47cd-b2fa-5ebb9ecaee56?utm_source=share
Told you before that never trumpers were not our allies. They were simply using us to foster their own platform, which is the same exact thing as their old platform, the one that got us the fascism.
The correct response to them is always let them fight dot gif