722 Comments
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Martini Glambassador's avatar

I did so squee when I found this little monkey. Learn more about her and the place that rescued her here: https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/sara-selectively-snacks

And you get a meme chat too! https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/81c4e44a-1f7a-4f49-bdaa-e21d2962279b?utm_source=share

All this great stuff for your Wonkette subscription bucks, what a deal!

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Hannah's avatar

The monkey almost stopped me from reading. I love it when we get to see how close we are to monkeys.

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zuludaddy (seem 'on key?')'s avatar

mmmmmmMMMmmmmmMmmmonkey!!!

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Up Here in the Clouds's avatar

12/10 no notes. Would gladly share my break time fruit with Sara!

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Ellie Alive In 25's avatar

Really didn't think a monkey would make me Awwwww, but there it is!

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SkeptiKC's avatar

She is THE most precious wee primate princess!

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42tontom's avatar

That lil monkey is such a dainty eater!

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TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

Thanks, I’ll just look at the little monkey peacefully eating her noms; even though little monkeys freak me out just a tad.

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Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

Recently John Oliver used an AI dictored pic of a monkey with a gun to make a point about donnie and the economy and now all I see is monkeys with guns.

(It did not help that Mr. Oliver used the same pic in one show to make two different points.)

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Notorious J.I.M.'s avatar

"Give a hundred monkeys a hundred guns ..."

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RefillingThorsBeer's avatar

Puppy monkey baby. Puppy monkey baby. Puppy monkey baby.

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Monsieur Grumpe's avatar

I would not shock this monkey... well, I wouldn't shock any monkey really. As for people, don't get me started.

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Menotsure's avatar

Ask little Sara what she likes

And she'll tell you how she feels

She likes the sweet and tasty

The rest has no appeal.

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Whale Chowder's avatar

And therein hangs a tail.

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Bobathonic's avatar

With those eyeballs I thought it might be a loris.

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tehbaddr's avatar

That's not Loris, no Range Rover!

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tehbaddr's avatar

Is that your Minky?

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Martini Glambassador's avatar

I am a martini and the monkey is a businesswoman.

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Craig Nixon's avatar

That's not my dag.

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Shocktreatment's avatar

Wee Sara, a Vervet with verve, is one content looking primate...

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

Yeah, Instagram keeps trying to put babby monkeys in my cute cuddly animal feed and it's pissing me off. Turtles, sharks, and babby monkeys need to stay out of my cute cuddly animal feed.

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tehbaddr's avatar

Is it the opposable thumbs?

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

I don't like their big foreheads.

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Martini Glambassador's avatar

I’m sorry to have ruined your day?

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Diane's Less Hostile Username's avatar

Nah, never! Only algorithms ruin my day. You always brighten it.

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Martini Glambassador's avatar

Aww! 🥰

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Linda1961 is woke and proud's avatar

Lots of squee with that cute little monkey snacking!

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The Wanderer's avatar

NOM NOM NOM

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Amy M Townsend's avatar

Wonkette has been a sustaining resource for me for about ten years. I appreciate you and am privileged to be able to afford to subscribe, hopefully enabling others who can't, to read you as well.

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Cincinnatus's avatar

"A third Pentagon official has been suspended as part of an investigation into leaks within the Defense Department, according to a new report from Politico. Dan Caldwell, a top aide to Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, was one of the suspensions. Hegseth himself has been implicated in leaking war plans over Signal. Anonymous officials told Politico the leaks under investigation include military plans for the Panama Canal and Elon Musk’s controversial visit to the Pentagon to discuss China, among other potential leaks." {HuffPost}

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littlerice vice's avatar

OK! So yesterday I offered to send out my baked ham instructions. I said that if there was an overwhelming response (All two of you) it will be done. Here it is again.

Either mix up your own bread dough or just go buy the frozen 1 pound dough. Depending on the size of the ham it will require 1-3 loaves. Now heads up! Thaw out said dough. With a wooden 5# pound rolling pin roll it out until it is large enough to cover the entire hunk of dead meat! Grab a fist full of brown sugar and place it in the middle of said flat dough. Find the fatty area of the dead meat and score it with an etremely sharp knife. Just into the fat not the dead meat! Place the scored side down on the brown sugar. Pull the dough over the meat and seal it with dabs of water. Place the cocooned meat in a baking pan. Make sure the sugar side is now on the top side. Place in oven for a couple of hours. The dough will rise a bit but will seal most of the juices inside. Dough will also get brown to black. This is supposed to happen. There is usually a small leak though so line the pan with foil. When done leave in in the crust until you serve it. Crack the crust open and set it aside. (This is for the hound that has been howling at the aroma).

Use RYE dough if you want. It wont change the taste any but your kitchen will attract the entire family.

Now I gotta go and shake out my sofa for the KRUGERANDS stuck amongst the cushions. HAPPY EASTER!

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Cincinnatus's avatar

"When some of the nation’s biggest law firms agreed to deals with President Trump, the terms appeared straightforward: In return for escaping the full force of his retribution campaign, the firms would do some free legal work on behalf of largely uncontroversial causes like helping veterans. Mr. Trump, it turns out, has a far more expansive view of what those firms can be called on to do.

Over the last week, he has suggested that the firms will be drafted into helping him negotiate trade deals. He has mused about having them help with his goal of reviving the coal industry.And he has hinted that he sees the promises of nearly $1 billion in pro bono legal services that he has extracted from the elite law firms as a legal war chest to be used as he wishes.

Some Trump advisers have started having discussions about a range of options for what the firms’ lawyers can be deployed to work on, according to two people briefed on the matter. That work could include sending the lawyers to help Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency or deploying them to aid the Justice Department, they said.

The agreements, which Mr. Trump announced on his social media site, appear to leave room for interpretation. It is unclear whether the firms even signed formal written deals spelling out the terms, or if they were essentially handshake agreements. But the emerging gap between what the firms initially thought they agreed to and what Mr. Trump says they can be used for shows how the deals did little to insulate them from his whims.

“They thought they made one-shot deals which they would fulfill,” said Harold Hongju Koh, a professor of international law at Yale Law School who was an author of a paper that called executive orders targeting the firms unconstitutional retaliatory measures. “But the administration seems to think that they have subjected these firms to indentured servitude.”"{NYT}

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Jo Mercer's avatar

they sound awfully fekkin dumb , even for lawyers, to fall for iDJiT's crap

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hillary's left one's avatar

well, as an actual boring version of what Grisham once romanticized as a "street lawyer," I say, couldn't have happened to a more deserving buncha assholes.

two thousand dollars an hour, who the fuck do they think they are?

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tek's avatar

WHY IS MUSIC-ON-HOLD 30 dB ABOVE NORMAL SPEECH LEVEL?

/rant.

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Jo Mercer's avatar

so you'll hang up on them and save them the effort of having to hang up on you

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Cock Blockula's avatar

AND IT'S LOOPING ON A CASSETTE TAPE THAT IS SO OLD AND WORN, IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S UNDERWATER?

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Jjamie's avatar

And why always horrible and redundant. Would never listen to at any time, but forced to by having to wait to get service. Is SILENCE a BAD thing??? Fuck!!

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Flo Plazo's avatar

I opened the tabs this am but just could not force myself to click on and read them, maybe later after I have worked myself to exhaustion in the garden (and those fruit trees are not gonna

plant themselves). Later.

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Sherry's avatar

Attending my first protest this weekend. Now I have to think of something clever to put on a sign.

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I Stedman's avatar

I would very much like to meet an inorganic farmer. Although I have heard of one online.

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Tetman Callis's avatar

New case crossed my desk this morning. Resident "tested" her butane camping stove in her apartment bedroom. There was a rapid explosive discharge of butane. Fortunately, no one was injured. Damages are estimated at around a quarter of a million dollars.

Do be careful, people. Some of our tools are unforgiving. Remember, the hottest thing in any bedroom should be passion.

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Karen Scofield's avatar

Love my Tab's and Coffee in the morning ☕💯👍

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Anzu's avatar

"Raw pet food is giving your cats bird flu." The biggest argument AGAINST raw pet food, to me, is the much shorter lifespan of outdoor cats - not just from attacks, but from preventable diseases. The domesticated cat is not a wild animal. The domesticated cat has had a crap ton of genetic changes in the 10K years that felis sylvestris started self-domesticating by hanging around our grains.

While all cats are obligate carnivores - they cannot make their own taurine - this is not the same as being a wild animal. As long as they are getting real animal protein, they are fine.

So cook the damn protein, kill the diseases, and stop trying to pretend that raw= innately healthy. You know how "consuming raw or undercooked poultry can case serious health issues" is a disclaimer at EVERY RESTAURANT?! That applies to cats and dogs too!

You can absolutely buy raw meat and cook it yourself to serve to your pets if you don't want to feed them kibble, but raw food is in itself already a giant health risk for ANY ANIMAL.

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Cincinnatus's avatar

Trump Toot, today (4am):

"Everyone knows that Harvard has “lost its way.” They hired, from New York (Bill D) and Chicago (Lori L), at ridiculously high salaries/fees, two of the WORST and MOST INCOMPETENT mayors in the history of our Country, to “teach” municipal management and government. These two Radical Left fools left behind two cities that will take years to recover from their incompetence and evil. Harvard has been hiring almost all woke, Radical Left, idiots and “birdbrains” who are only capable of teaching FAILURE to students and so-called “future leaders.” Look just to the recent past at their plagiarizing President, who so greatly embarrassed Harvard before the United States States Congress. When it got so bad that they just couldn’t take it anymore, they moved this grossly inept woman into another position, teaching, rather than firing her ON THE SPOT. Since then much else has been found out about her, but she remains in place. Many others, like these Leftist dopes, are teaching at Harvard, and because of that, Harvard can no longer be considered even a decent place of learning, and should not be considered on any list of the World’s Great Universities or Colleges. Harvard is a JOKE, teaches Hate and Stupidity, and should no longer receive Federal Funds. Thank you for your attention to this matter!"

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Sherry's avatar

Thank you for your attention to this matter! Written by a staffer. Also notice the slur against the former Black Woman president of Harvard, who, BTW, got totally screwed.

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Cincinnatus's avatar

That "thank you for your attention" ending is frequently showing on his toots. I believe this to be authentic Trump, or at least a hybrid.

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Martini Glambassador's avatar

LOL, he sounds especially butthurt.

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Cincinnatus's avatar

"Trump intervened last month to stop his ally Elon Musk from receiving a briefing from Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth on U.S. plans to fight a potential war with China, according to a new report by Axios. Following the publication of a New York Times article on March 20 reporting the plans to brief Musk, Trump expressed frustration at the prospect, the outlet said, despite publicly claiming the Times' reporting was inaccurate.

"What the f**k is Elon doing there? Make sure he doesn't go," Trump told his team, according to an official cited by Axios.

Musk still met with Hegseth the next day, but their discussion reportedly didn't touch on China."

HuffPost/Axios; https://www.axios.com/2025/04/16/trump-block-elon-musk-pentagon-briefing-china?utm_source=buzzfeed&utm_medium=iframely

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Trux Mint In Box's avatar

“Hey, so did anybody even talk about Josh Shapiro’s governor’s mansion getting FUCKING FIREBOMBED?”

Well it’s not like they wrote on his sidewalk in chalk

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Trux Mint In Box's avatar

NYT headline

“Law Firms Made Deals With Trump. Now He Wants More From Them”

You mean giving in to a bully just leads to more bullying?? Who knew?

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Sherry's avatar

Everyone. Never give into a bully.

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