Glenn Beck Does Not Like Michelle Obama’s Biracial Spider-Man

There is plenty of Insanity happening out there already to support the idea that maybe this country is getting close to arriving at the End Times , but just in case anyone was still holding onto some "Hope," last week we received absolute confirmation that everything will be horrible forever, and Barack Obama will continue to punish everyone with Sharia law for years and years after he wins the future with his favorite campaign song, "Signed, Sealed, Delivered, Screw you people ." This confirmation has nothing to do with the debt ceiling or America's credit rating or Barack Obama's alleged 50th birthday. No, it is actually this: Last week, in a comic book, the Ultimate Spider-Man took off his mask and revealed that he is some sort of biracial teenager. Oh, and that is not the scariest part! The real horror is that Michelle Obama has been planning this comic book race war all along , and her health food thing was merely a distraction. How could we have been so blind ?

The person who used to wear the Spider-Man costume was Peter Parker, a nice white boy with an honest, American name. This new Spider-Man is named Miles Morales, and is taking over the job ( sort of? ) of Spider-Man because Peter Parker was supposedly killed by the Green Goblin, but probably Miles Morales is just another black Mexican gang member, stealing all the super hero jobs from the white people who really need them. Weepy cartoon villain Glenn Beck is here to explain that this is not Marvel's fault, and it's not even the Green Goblin's fault, actually. This was all Michelle Obama's doing, because of her comic book agenda.

So now that our FLOTUS has added "Super Hero Universe" to her list of things she controls, along with Wal-Mart and McDonalds , Spider-Man will probably just fight the Obese Ogre or the Cholesterol Monsters now, in Spanish. [ Media Matters for America ]