Glenn Beck Fans Don't Understand How We Can Possibly Dislike Him

 
 We have no idea why this Glenn Beck notice we threw up the other day has gotten so much traffic, but it has, much of it from Glenn Beck fans, apparently. Did we say something mean about Glenn Beck? That post is probably one of the nicest things this blog has ever said about the irrational chalk muncher. Still, Glenn Beck fans are always hot on the trail of a new conspiracy (because the ones they're trained to believe never pan out?), and they have discovered your Wonkette is in on the evil conspiracy to make Glenn Beck unlikeable to viewers under the age of 90 and people who purchase television ads. Who is this Wonkette and why is she destroying the poor, defenseless little blind man they love?

From: willow[redacted]@yahoo.com

To: jack@wonkette.com

Date: Mon, Mar 7, 2011 at 4:18 PM

Subject: who?

I know who Glenn Beck is but who are you??

Phil

Your editor responded to this man's honest inquiry with a short bio of himself. We're always glad to help.

From: libertarian[redacted]@hotmail.com

To: jack@wonkette.com

Date: Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 8:41 AM

Subject: BIAS?

As an Independent without the baggage carried by the far left or the bias of the far right, I try to look at everything in an objective manner. And, so far as the left is concerned, let me say this:

Most everyone of you (Take a look at the photos) are people who are unattractive types (Michael Moore and you as just two examples) who obviously hate mainstream America because you have been abused or rejected some way because of your unattractiveness. You seem to be out “to get” those who are on the right.

Lighten up, bro. What you make of your life is nobody’s fault but your own, and if you think you have a better chance of being accepted by the far left by espousing their outlandish political agenda, better think again. People are the same regarding attractiveness no matter where they stand politically.

Robert [redacted]

Ocala, Florida

Ah, so humanity is even more rotten to its core than we seem to believe? In that case, yeah, should probably lighten up about it and stop pestering this man who will look like a gorgeous, immaculate supermodel for all of his life.

This next message utilizes VERY ADVANCED e-mail technology, so we're going to need to do a screencap:

And then upload his animated GIF signature:

Delightful.

Finally, we also go this strange e-mail:

From: [redacted]@[redacted].com

To: jack@wonkette.com

Date: Tue, Mar 8, 2011 at 6:13 PM

Subject: Jack, read your Glenn Beck/Fox News coverage

Jack,

Hope this email finds you doing well. I know you’ve been writing about the latest news that Fox News is considering dropping Glenn Beck when his contract ends in December and thought you might be interested in Jewish Funds for Justice’s reaction. JFSF has been a leader in calling on Fox News to fire Beck. Would you be interested in speaking further with Mik Moore, Chief Strategy Officer for JFSJ?

I look forward to hearing from you!

Why the hell would we want to talk to Mik Moore, Chief Strategy Officer for JFSJ? What do they have to do with this? Do these people think they control the medi—OH IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. Sorry, Glenn. Didn't mean to get mixed up in this conspiracy.