Giuliani Claims Trump Could Never Have Got So Many Indictments Without His Help
By Andy Borowitz
August 17, 2023
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fuming about his unpaid legal bills, Rudolph Giuliani has claimed that Donald J. Trump could never have garnered so many indictments without his help.
“Those indictments didn’t happen all by themselves,” the former New York mayor told Fox News. “It took a village, and that village was me.”
Giuliani said that it was “particularly hurtful” that he had not been remunerated for obtaining Trump’s indictments since they have been so pivotal to the former President’s burgeoning lead in the Republican Presidential primary.
“Thanks to those indictments, he’s leading Ron DeSantis by double digits,” Giuliani said. “Now, I’m not making a threat here, but maybe if Trump doesn’t pay me I go to work for DeSantis as his lawyer. Yeah, maybe I do that. After a pinch or two of Rudy magic, you just watch those indictments roll in.”
A wiser guy than me just observed that if the Philadelphia DA indicts TFG, he will have active criminal cases in all five cities in the National League Eastern Division.
To which I replied with four words: "Four Seasons Total Landscaping."
Wisconsin seems to be content with a civil case against the fakey trespassing clowns. Maybe a good idea? Hard to tell, at least the MAGA crowd can't cry about abuse of power (You know they will anyway.) One of the targets is the GOP Chair for WI3, the district that oath breaker Derrick von Dickhead squats in DC for; taking their money hurts them more than jail will.
Its not a popular hypothesis here (it takes away a club for bashing Bernie supporters), but if Hillary had won the EC in 2016, SCOTUS would still be 6-3 or at best 5-4 and Kennedy's son would be in jail.
If I created a fake bill for $1,000 for plumbing services for the city I doubt it would take a week after being discovered for cops to come to my door. Even if I insisted I had actually performed services like clearing out leaves from a clogged street drain in front of my house. Regardless of how much I insisted I was owed that money, a judge would definitely convict me of forgery. But Merrick Garland has better things to do than investigate and prosecute people who tried to overturn an election.
Even their attempt at a disclaimer saying their slate of electors was only to be used if ordered by a court is bullshit. Each state has laws and regulations on appointing electors and appointing replacement or alternate electors. It is not by a group of GOP party hacksand stooges meeting in a basement near the state capitol, creating a fake document off of a template used by several other fraudulent groups, and signing their names as official electors or alternate electors.
But even after the Michigan AG referred the case to Merrick Garland in January 2022 saying it involved several states and the same people directing the state groups so the DOJ had the authority and resources Michigan did not have to handle a multi state investigation.
Garland sat on it until state AG Nessel reopened the Michigan investigation in January 2023, saying the DOJ had never contacted her and to her knowledge had never started any work on it. Then indicted the fake electors just a few months later. Now we have Fani Willis doing Garland's job too, and obviously any state with a Republican AG will refuse to participate. Garland's got some 'splainin to do. Despite saying he would go wherever the evidence led, he did nothing with this or the Congressional committee evidence and did nothing to gather evidence himself. If you do not actively seek evidence it will lead nowhere. Which is where Garland ended up until Jack Smith took over last November.
"the vice president has the unilateral authority to decide who won the election"
Actual question: has literally ANYONE ever asked a single one of these fucks if they think Kamala Harris should choose the outcome of the 2024 election, if they're so very certain Pence could've in 2020? Anyone? Ever? Because that should've been the next thing out of their mouths every time this nonsense was trotted out.
should candidate/sitting Vice President Albert Arnold Gore, jr., have simply used this hitherto- unknown vice presidential super power in Jan. 2000 to announce "Show's over folks, I won, now move along, nothing to see here"?
Someone on MSNBC was saying that the PA fake electors were smart enough to get legal cover in writing. Something along the lines of "we're only electors if a judge rules in our favor." Just enough to keep them from being thrown in jail, per the commentator.
Even if so...where is my home state's prosecution?
Haunting to go back and read about the fully public plan of attack that was already known on Dec. 20, 2020.
Giuliani Claims Trump Could Never Have Got So Many Indictments Without His Help
By Andy Borowitz
August 17, 2023
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fuming about his unpaid legal bills, Rudolph Giuliani has claimed that Donald J. Trump could never have garnered so many indictments without his help.
“Those indictments didn’t happen all by themselves,” the former New York mayor told Fox News. “It took a village, and that village was me.”
Giuliani said that it was “particularly hurtful” that he had not been remunerated for obtaining Trump’s indictments since they have been so pivotal to the former President’s burgeoning lead in the Republican Presidential primary.
“Thanks to those indictments, he’s leading Ron DeSantis by double digits,” Giuliani said. “Now, I’m not making a threat here, but maybe if Trump doesn’t pay me I go to work for DeSantis as his lawyer. Yeah, maybe I do that. After a pinch or two of Rudy magic, you just watch those indictments roll in.”
A wiser guy than me just observed that if the Philadelphia DA indicts TFG, he will have active criminal cases in all five cities in the National League Eastern Division.
To which I replied with four words: "Four Seasons Total Landscaping."
How appropriate that once again the (neo)Confederate high tide was stopped at Gettysburg.
Wisconsin seems to be content with a civil case against the fakey trespassing clowns. Maybe a good idea? Hard to tell, at least the MAGA crowd can't cry about abuse of power (You know they will anyway.) One of the targets is the GOP Chair for WI3, the district that oath breaker Derrick von Dickhead squats in DC for; taking their money hurts them more than jail will.
I think that,IF, Garland had made it to SCOTUS, the conservatives would STILL have an 6-3 majority.
It's tempting to think so, but I believe he is just better suited to the judiciary.
For a while there, I had my doubts.
Its not a popular hypothesis here (it takes away a club for bashing Bernie supporters), but if Hillary had won the EC in 2016, SCOTUS would still be 6-3 or at best 5-4 and Kennedy's son would be in jail.
Ta, Liz. You're absolutely right. All the involved states must prosecute. No quarter.
Waiting for my local state AG to act. He is trying to get anti-abortion laws overturned though.
If I created a fake bill for $1,000 for plumbing services for the city I doubt it would take a week after being discovered for cops to come to my door. Even if I insisted I had actually performed services like clearing out leaves from a clogged street drain in front of my house. Regardless of how much I insisted I was owed that money, a judge would definitely convict me of forgery. But Merrick Garland has better things to do than investigate and prosecute people who tried to overturn an election.
Even their attempt at a disclaimer saying their slate of electors was only to be used if ordered by a court is bullshit. Each state has laws and regulations on appointing electors and appointing replacement or alternate electors. It is not by a group of GOP party hacksand stooges meeting in a basement near the state capitol, creating a fake document off of a template used by several other fraudulent groups, and signing their names as official electors or alternate electors.
But even after the Michigan AG referred the case to Merrick Garland in January 2022 saying it involved several states and the same people directing the state groups so the DOJ had the authority and resources Michigan did not have to handle a multi state investigation.
Garland sat on it until state AG Nessel reopened the Michigan investigation in January 2023, saying the DOJ had never contacted her and to her knowledge had never started any work on it. Then indicted the fake electors just a few months later. Now we have Fani Willis doing Garland's job too, and obviously any state with a Republican AG will refuse to participate. Garland's got some 'splainin to do. Despite saying he would go wherever the evidence led, he did nothing with this or the Congressional committee evidence and did nothing to gather evidence himself. If you do not actively seek evidence it will lead nowhere. Which is where Garland ended up until Jack Smith took over last November.
yeah, but politics is so confusing and hard and involves rich white men,* so ...
*and a few token non-cis-het-white-men.
"We watched the dipshit cosplay electors swear themselves in on December 14, 2020."
I think they were more LARPING!
Nice photo up there of Kate McKinnon doing her SNL Roooody schtik.
Made me look!
Keep indicting him. We need insurance that he may wind up doing time.
And take down every dipshit who thought there would be no consequences for helping a crime lord do his crimes. Make this a lesson for future dipshits.
Agreed! Next time around I want every person next to the next Trump thinking "He's not worth prison".
I can't "like" this enough.
Love me some Liz!
Could not agree more.
"the vice president has the unilateral authority to decide who won the election"
Actual question: has literally ANYONE ever asked a single one of these fucks if they think Kamala Harris should choose the outcome of the 2024 election, if they're so very certain Pence could've in 2020? Anyone? Ever? Because that should've been the next thing out of their mouths every time this nonsense was trotted out.
should candidate/sitting Vice President Albert Arnold Gore, jr., have simply used this hitherto- unknown vice presidential super power in Jan. 2000 to announce "Show's over folks, I won, now move along, nothing to see here"?
Sure would have come in handy for Al Gore. Just sayin'
Of course not. Because the MSM knows that the GOP is full of shit and that they (MSM) are perfectly happy to play along with the BS.
in order for that to be an effective threat, we'd have to take back the House.
This is what happens when cousins marry.
"Where is Pennsylvania’s prosecution?"
Someone on MSNBC was saying that the PA fake electors were smart enough to get legal cover in writing. Something along the lines of "we're only electors if a judge rules in our favor." Just enough to keep them from being thrown in jail, per the commentator.
Even if so...where is my home state's prosecution?
Um, is that really legal? "I wrote a bad check but it only counts if the bank accepts it".
Same cover for the NM electors. No others that I am aware of, though.
how about "attempted" stupidity charges then, instead of just "stupidity"?