Good Morning, The Future Is Here!

 Welcome, Wonkette readers! Racism is in the past, the CDC is promising there are no zombies, and we're building weapons to fight aliens! Aren't you glad the past is over? 

• According to Pew, difference in political opinions is what most divides Americans, rather than race or class. At first, this sounds amazing, because hello? Hooray for being judged based on the content of our character rather than color of our skin (and make of our car)! But the numbers basically say, "We are not getting anything done any time soon." [ Washington Post ]

• The CDC promises there is no zombie attack in our immediate future. Which is great, because there's just so much we at Wonkette have to do first. Like watch the new season of Royal Pains that's coming out this week! [ Time ]

• Here are five things to keep in mind concerning conservatives and climate change. The best part is the write-up on what Mitt Romney "used to say" about climate change. (Hint: he says a lot of different things now.) [ Grist ]

• So the Pentagon is working to create weapons against aliens. Yes, because lasers are going to stop creatures that can build a spaceship that can travel millions of light years to visit us. What about some diplomacy? Surely they don't have bananas on their planet? We can promise them bananas! [ Foreign Policy ]