GOODBYE SUGARBUSH! Tabs, Mon., March 3, 2025

Morning news roundup and things to read and watch!

It’s a bathing baby robin from our friend Martini Glambassador!

Happy Monday, beloved Wonkette community! What’s going on? Well…

Aftershocks from Trump’s bitchfit-heard-around-the-world at Zelenskyy are reverberating: even Fox News called it a “fiasco,” European leaders are summit-meeting without the US to figure out what to do to save Ukraine, and JD Vance was driven from his ski vacation in Sugarbush, Vermont by protestors with signs like “GO SKI IN RUSSIA!” One country is popping the vodka and squat-dancing with glee at the Cold War ending with America’s total surrender, though: “For the first time, Trump spoke the truth to the cocaine clown's face. The insolent pig has finally received a solid slap in the face,” squealed Dmitry Medvedev. (AP / NY Post / Guardian)

Norwegian marine-fuel company Haltbakk Bunkers has announced it will stop fueling up US military forces in Norway, and any American ships docking in Norwegian ports. They issued a statement that the Trump/Zelenskyy spectacle “made us sick” and was the “biggest shitshow ever presented live on TV,” and have encouraged other European companies to do the same. (UK Defence Journal)

Sec. Defense Beerhole has reportedly ordered the US Cyber Command to stop trying to prevent Russian cyberattacks, whoa if true. (The Record)

Hey, is firing thousands of people on the whim of some guy named Big Balls a good idea? Well, Russia and China have sent their intelligence services to recruit laid-off employees with security clearances, yikes. And the administration is still trying to hire back some of the people it let go, even while continuing to mass-fire people at the same time. Nuclear experts, fired and some hired back. Ditto USDA scientists, park rangers, FDA staffers ... guess as Russell Vought said, the entire point is to make federal workers miserable, because it sure is not efficiency! (Colorado Sun / CNN / Agri-Pulse / KTBS / SFGate)

That Kashyap Pramod Vinod Patel, he’s even weirder than you think! He wants to telecommute as head of the FBI (?) from Las Vegas (??) where he lives at the home of Michael J. Muldoon, a Republican donor who owns a bunch of shady timeshare companies (???). Do they live together like roommates? And what happened to the 26-year-old country star beard girlfriend that Patel recently claimed to have? Who knows! Also, Ka$ha told FBI agents in a Zoom call that he wants to bring in trainers from the UFC to beef them up, because he’s bladoinked out of his gizzard. (Nevada Independent / Daily Mail / MMA Junkie )

A bonus Martini Glambassor gif!

At least nine US states have introduced measures to overturn Obergefell v. Hodges, ugh. (NBC)

LEOPARDS ATE MY FACE! DEPT:

That Elon! Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim has cancelled a 25-country $22 billion partnership with Starlink after Musk re-Xitted some nonsense that Slim “is known to have significant ties to the drug cartels in Mexico.” Slim is moving his investments to companies in China and Europe instead. (Mexico Daily Post)

Oh, and Elon has a 14th child now, named Seldon Lycurgus Zaphod Beeblebrox. (Okay, we made up the last two.) (People)

Meet Patty Moddelmog, the San Francisco pilates instructor who’s been organizing Tesla-showroom protests around the country. If you’re interested, they are every Saturday at noon, indefinitely, and tubas are welcome. (SF Chronicle archive link)

Red states that love Canadian green are going missing out on some tourist bucks! Air Canada is reducing the number of flights to Florida, Las Vegas, and Arizona, and the loss of Canadian tourists in the coming year is expected to cost the economy about $2.1 billion. Instead of Palm Beach, Ft. Lauderdale, Texas and the Jersey Shore, they’ll be snowbirding in the Bahamas and Mexico. Trump-hugging hotel owner is sad. “I just wish I had more Canadians.” (NJ dot com / CBC)

MISCELLANY:

After a seven-year legal battle, the Simpsons treehouse in LA will be torn down. (Episode Hive)

“An AI companion site is hosting sexually charged conversations with underage celebrity bots” (MIT Technology Review)

A son tried to save his dad from conspiracy theories with a $10,000 bet that his conspiracy-theory predictions wouldn’t come true. Spoiler, it didn’t work. (NPR)

The New Yorker has a deep dive on the marine archaeologists excavating slave shipwrecks. (New Yorker archive link)

The rich, they get scammed like anybody else! Here’s the tale of a socialite who got her Warhol allegedly stolen by a shady lending company, to go with their other story about the art advisor who scammed her friends and feels bad about it. (NY Times archive link / other archive link)

But hey, it’s Mike Meyers as Elon on SNL!

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