Republicans Will Investigate Woke Wall Street For Using Sustainable Litterboxes Or Something, We Don't Know

Just a preview of what's coming if we let these fuckers seize power.

Good morning, everyone, it is now five days from the midterm elections, and here is your motivation for today for getting your ass out and voting and then you getting all your friends, family, and local baristas' asses out to vote.

You see, the GOP just keeps saying out loud what it's going to do if/when it regains power, and it's so obnoxious, so authoritarian, so far from any semblance of "governing" that it's appalling that any reasonable human would even consider letting them anywhere near power ever again.

The headline in the Washington Post (gift link! you're welcome!) says "GOP to probe ‘cancer’ of climate-friendly investing after midterms," and no, there isn't any nuance you're missing there. They just think they need to look into the practice of Wall Street trying to do things that are climate-friendly, because that is "woke capitalism" and a dirty fraud on investors, none of whom apparently care whether their money is being used to help or destroy the planet.

No, we are not fucking kidding.

Wall Street companies who understand and admit that climate change is real and whose business plans and investment instruments reflect that scientific fact, which has been known for decades, they are doing "woke capitalism." Better investigate 'em, right along with one million investigations into when Joe Biden started loving his son Hunter.

Polls suggest the GOP will retake the House, and Republicans there are preparing to grill the chief executives of big financial firms as well as Gary Gensler, the Democratic chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, about their efforts to curb climate change.

What's next, Gary? Gonna start recycling litterboxes? 

In the Senate, where polls show a toss-up battle for control of the chamber, key senators are pushing legislation to punish businesses that prioritize environmental, social and governance causes — known as ESG — rather than pure profits.

The moves are sure to escalate the battle over ESG investing and have a further chilling effect on Wall Street, where some CEOs are scrambling to emphasize that their firms are still investing in fossil fuels.

Rep. Garland “Andy” Barr (R-Ky.) said in an interview that ESG principles “will be one of the major focuses of oversight of a Republican majority” on the House Financial Services Committee, which oversees the nation’s banking, insurance and real estate sectors.

“My view is that ESG investing is a cancer within our capital markets,” Barr said. “It is a fraud on American investors.”

They have to punish businesses that think about woke things for any minutes of the day, instead of just making money. Doing so is a "cancer" and a "fraud." Are these companies somehow hiding that they are doing this? No, that allegation does not appear to be present.

Remember, they are going to investigate companies doing things like "pollute less" and "do green energy" — shockingly, those are both still legal! — because they are the party of "free markets" and "freedom."

What woke companies are we talking about? Take a gander at this article if you want to learn more about the hall of shame of woke companies, like JPMorganChase, Goldman Sachs, and others, which are apparently well-known to Republican lawmakers for their refusal to use enough saliva when they go down on the gun and fossil fuel industries. This is the "cancer" and the "fraud" on the investors. It's not just them either:

Rep. Blaine Luetkemeyer (R-Mo.) said he hopes to call in the heads of the three big investment advisers — BlackRock, Vanguard and State Street — that have used their economic power to curb climate change and advance other causes that are popular among liberals.

Uh huh.

There's much more in that Washington Post article, which you may finish after you vote.

In related news of Republican lawmakers pulling out their cocktail wieners and wiggling them around as a preview of what they'll do if they seize power, GOP Rep. Jim Jordan, who would chair the powerful House Judiciary Committee in such an event, has sent letters to the Department of Justice and the FBI telling them to get ready for braindead investigations into:

• BIASSSSSSSS at the FBI.

• the HOW VERY UNFAIR-ness of the perfectly good and legal search of Donald Trump's tacky crime palace.

• the very real targeting of VERY REAL JOURNALISM DOERS! He is referring to James O'Keefe and Project Veritas. 

And so much more!

Why are you even still reading this, you should be leading a parade down to the nearest voting booth, GTFO!

[ Washington Post ]

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