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Guess The Trump Kids Aren't ALLOWED To Swing On The Swingset
Um ... what?
But ... but ... WHY, DADDY? The nice black dude who dances good and will be remembered as America's greatest president right before some orange shithead ruined everything said we could keep it, DADDY I WANNA KEEP IT, WHY CAN'T I KEEP IT?
But it sounds like this is legit, and not just the CBS White House correspondent doing fake news to us. According to WTOP in Washington, the Obamas offered the incoming first family the playset and they were like "nah" so it's been donated to charity.
But ... but ... WHY, DADDY?
Donald Trump has a 10-year-old son named Barron. Trump's daughter Ivanka, our new first lady, who will be at the White House all the damn time, has three small children. Donald Trump Jr. has FIVE CHILDREN under the age of 10, and we can be pretty sure Junior will be at the White House from time to time, to report to his daddy on how the Trump family bidness is violating the Emoluments Clause that day. By our count, that is NINE KIDS WHO MIGHT WANT TO SWING ON THE SWINGS AND GO DOWN THE SLIDE.
None of this takes into account what happens when 23-year-old Trump daughter Tiffany Trump tries to knock on the door of the White House and her dad refuses to let her in. She will need some swings to sulk on, while she waits for her Uber.
But maybe there is a reasonable explanation for why Trump rejected Obama's nice offer to leave the play set for the children of the incoming administration. For instance:
The Trump children are not allowed to experience joy, which extends to common kid things like giving each other wedgies, playing freeze tag, and yes, playing on playgrounds.
Donald Trump already has a better, more luxurious play set at Trump Tower, what is gold-plated and not like whatever Toys "R" Us bullshit Bamz bought his kids, PFFFFFFT.
Trump isn't worried about whether Barron will have fun in the White House, because he's a bad father.
Trump isn't worried about whether Barron will have fun in the White House, because Melania has declared in no uncertain terms that she is not DTF with his presidency, that she voted for Hillary, and that she and her son will be staying in New York City, fuck you very much.
Trump knows Barron has a ride-on lion, which is the only toy a child needs, and as for father/son time, they already have that game where Dad teaches his youngun' how never to trust anyone, ever.
Trump's NSA pick Michael Flynn has expressed worry that Comet Ping Pong pizza is building a tunnel from its non-existent basement that will come out at the bottom of the slide, which would be UH OH SKETTI-O NOT SAFE FOR KIDS.
Donald Trump is a fucking asshole.
We think that's all the possibilities. If we forgot some, feel free to educate us in the comments, what are not allowed.
[ WTOP Washington ]