Guys, I Am Seriously Considering Running For Montana's Congressional Seat

Know what else Montanans love? Hillary Clinton!

A friend sent me this news link about Montana Nazi Richard Spencer seriously considering running for the state's lone Congressional seat being vacated by Rep. 'Commander' Ryan Zinke as he goes off to grift the Interior for President-elect Donald Trump.

And that got me seriously considering running myself. Montana still elects Democrats for governor, and, half of the time, the Senate! The kind of Democrats you could have a beer with, because Montana loves beer. Montana does NOT elect mouthy women, even though we are the best to have a beer with, and often, we'll buy! 

Please stop me. Please.

I would be a very flawed candidate for the House of Representatives, seeing as how I say fuck all the time, and have odd political leanings like "healthcare is awesome and I would like to buy some for my family please" and "marijuana is awesome and I would like to buy some for my family please" and "killing black people is NOT AWESOME, CUT IT THE FUCK OUT, YOU ARE BEING A DICK." Mostly I would just go around saying "Yes, it's true, I AM FROM CALIFORNIA, WHICH MONTANANS OBVIOUSLY LOVE SO MUCH, but I am only half a Jew." Also, there's hardly any nekkie pictures of me, and to my knowledge none is online.

I can see me and Shy and the babby and our deerhunting son hopping in the Wonkebago and going to all of the towns and saying, "HI OATHKEEPERS! I AM RUNNING FOR CONGRESS DON'T SHOOT ME," and "Who's from California? You must betalking about Ryan Zinke, not me!" and dumb boring things like "hey, let's talk about your healthcare, it is important," and "MONTANA IS PRETTY, WE SHOULD KEEP IT THAT WAY, PS COAL SUX LOL."

Guys, make me not run for Congress please. It will only all end in tears.